This miscarriage was definitely a tough one (as if there's any other kind). After the second ultrasound confirmed the baby had died, it took almost four weeks for the physical miscarriage to occur, and then two more weeks for my hcg levels to get low enough that we could stop tracking them with weekly blood tests. I hate those blood tests. They are mandatory, weekly reminders of the loss and I was so relieved when the doctor said 12 was “close enough” and I didn’t have to go back.
After talking with the doctor, we decided to try a fertility drug, Clomid, when we try again. The doctor said we could start trying as soon as my cycle came back, but we just weren’t ready emotionally and we also had a really busy schedule in June. So we decided to wait an extra month. That month is almost over and I have to admit, I’m still a little nervous about what awaits us in the coming months. The side effects of Clomid aren’t particularly appealing – hot flashes, vomiting, headache, extreme moodiness – it’s like pregnancy and menopause all at once. Fun! Honestly, I think I’m as scared for Josh as I am for myself. I know I’m the one who has to actually experience all these side effects, but I think most men would agree that they get their own version of the “experience” their wives are going through. Maybe I’ll be one of those lucky women who doesn’t notice many side effects (I hear you laughing).
Aside from adding Clomid, we made another important decision about trying again. In the past, we’ve always waited until we knew how the pregnancy was developing before we told anyone (even close family and friends). In my head, I had this vision of Claire getting to surprise everyone when she wore a “Big Sister” shirt to announce that we were expecting a new addition. Well, those big sister shirts sat in the back of her closet for a year and now they’re too small. It’s not like we could really surprise anyone with a pregnancy announcement at this point anyway. And honestly, we need all the prayers we can get for a healthy pregnancy and baby. So, we’re just going to tell everyone if/when we get pregnant again. We are so thankful to have such amazing people in our lives praying for us, loving us, and supporting us through all of this and I hate feeling like I’m lying to everyone for seven weeks while I wait for an ultrasound. We’re not going to do that anymore.
So be warned everyone. By this time next week, I’ll probably be un-caffeinated, trying to come up with lunchtime alternatives to deli meat sandwiches, and seriously craving a medium rare steak or some sushi. Plus, I might be hopped up on Clomid. It’s going to be fun! ;)
