Bucking Bronco

We've had two more ultrasounds since the last post - one at 10 weeks and one at 12 weeks. The baby looks great and has been VERY active during the ultrasounds. The doctor called the baby a "bucking bronco"  and the nurse told us a baby that active had to be a boy. Josh just smiled and said, "I don't know. That actually reminds me a lot of our daughter!" Of course, we would be thrilled with a boy or a girl, but it's fun to guess while we're waiting for the big 20 week ultrasound to (hopefully) show us whether we need pink or blue.

We still haven't told Claire the big news. I'm not really "showing" yet and, honestly, I'm still a little nervous to tell her. I know she'll be happy to become a big sister, so I'm not worried about her reaction. It's just that the stakes are a lot higher once she knows. Right now, if something goes wrong, it's just Josh and me who will be hurt and we can deal with that. But if something goes wrong after we tell Claire, it will be a whole new level of heartbreak.

Telling Claire also means that I will have to start talking about (and thinking about) the baby in more concrete terms. Right now, I usually say things like, "If this baby works out...". It's a bit of a protective mechanism, I guess. There's a part of me still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But once we tell Claire, we'll have to use more definite terms. Talking about the baby like it's just an "if", a "maybe", would be too confusing for a three year old. But it scares me to talk as though we're actually going to have this baby - like if I say it aloud, I'll jinx it. I know logically that's not how it works, but I'm willing to admit that, after the roller coaster we've been on the last 17 months, sometimes my emotions overrule my logic.

We have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so we'll probably tell her sometime after that. I do want to make sure we tell her before it gets too obvious, but I want to wait until after next week's appointment to make sure we still have a healthy heart beat in there.

We Graduated!

We had our nine week ultrasound on Monday and everything looked great. The baby measured perfectly and had a strong heartbeat, so the specialist has released me to begin care with my regular OB. We graduated from the fertility center! My first appointment is next Tuesday and I'm hoping we'll continue on to have a healthy new baby at the end of March.

I'm finally starting to feel a little excitement (instead of just fear) for this pregnancy. It feels so great to know there's a healthy baby in there, and while I'm not quite ready to start decorating the nursery, I'm starting to believe we just might get that baby we've been waiting for.

We decided to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell Claire about it, but I'm really looking forward to that conversation. She loves babies and she's started asking a lot of questions about families lately. She often asks Josh and me questions like "Who is your mommy?", "Who is your daddy?", "Who is your brother/sister?".

A few weeks ago, we were having one of those conversations at dinner and she suddenly dropped her fork on her plate, looked around with concern, and asked, "Where is my brother and sister?". We explained that she didn't have any brothers or sisters and she immediately insisted, "But I need a brother and sister!" (Glad I'm not feeling any pregnancy pressures from my kid!) It took awhile to convince her that not everyone has brothers and sisters and it's okay if you don't, but I really want the chance to change that for her. I know she would love to be a big sister and I really hope this baby is the little brother or sister she's going to grow up with. All I can do is pray, pray, pray!

The Ultrasound

We had the ultrasound this morning and it went very well! The baby measured exactly 7 weeks, with a strong heart rate (122 bpm). The doctor said that was perfect, but given my history, she wants us to come back in two weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. If everything looks good then, we'll be released to a regular OB!

While I was so happy things went well today, I have to admit that I don't feel as much relief as I thought I would. After everything that has happened, it's hard to believe we might finally get the healthy baby we've been waiting for. I really look forward to getting excited about this baby, but I'm still a little cautious for now.

I'm only 7 weeks along, but I'm hoping if we can make it to 12 weeks, I'll start breathing a little easier. For now, I'm trying to enjoy the fact that this is the furthest we've made it in a pregnancy since Claire. We're definitely on the right track.

Thanks for all the prayers and support!

Last Blood Test

I had my last blood test (at least for awhile) on Wednesday. I have to admit that I chickened out when the nurse called with the results. I get really obsessed with the numbers game and last week's numbers were so good that I just wanted to remember those. The doctor will tell me anything over a 67% rise per 48 hours is good (they like to be extra positive so they don't freak out the pregnant ladies), but I know it's much more reassuring if the numbers double every 48 hours. I didn't want to spend my weekend doing the math over and over again in my head, so I asked the nurse to just tell me if they were happy with the numbers, rather than giving me the actual numbers. She said the numbers were good and the doctor said I didn't need to take any more blood tests for hormone levels now. It's on to the ultrasound! We scheduled the ultrasound for Monday at 9:45.

This is the part of my pregnancies when time really slows down - the last few days waiting for that ultrasound to tell us if this is "the one" or another heartbreak. My goal is to stay as busy as possible and hope the time flies by.

Thanks for the continued prayers, thoughts, and support! I'll update again after the ultrasound.

The Numbers Are In

Thank you so much for all the support, comments, and prayers! It must be working, because the results from today's blood test were good.

We were hoping the HCG would rise to at least 4,932 and it went well beyond that - 10,165! We are also still monitoring progesterone. The nurse had me cut my supplements in half and only use a half-dose each night this week, so we were expecting my progesterone level to drop, but it actually increased from 78 to 82! So my doctor is taking me off the progesterone supplements completely and we're going to do another blood test next Wednesday.

It's really exciting to see such good numbers, but I know it's certainly no guarantee of a healthy baby. I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. We're still very early in this process and the last baby stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks so we're not ready to go onsie shopping yet. Please continue to pray for this baby (it seems to be working!) and I'll update the blog again when I have more news.

Here We Go Again

I still feel a little hesitant to share this because of my history, but I keep thinking that we need all the prayers we can get, so... I'm pregnant (again).

I had a positive pregnancy test last Sunday (7/15). Because of our fertility issues, my pregnancies are monitored right away. It starts with bloodwork, which we use to check two key hormone levels - progesterone and hcg. 

HCG is the "pregnancy hormone" - basically, the hormone is produced by the developing baby (well, the placenta actually). In early pregnancy, we like to see this number double about every 2 days (the official line is that it should increase by a minimum of 67%, but it's more reassuring if it doubles). If this number stops rising at the appropriate rate, that's a bad sign. If it starts going down, that is considered confirmation of an imminent miscarriage.

Progesterone is a hormone your body produces to support early pregnancy. The doctors suspect that I do not produce enough naturally, so I'm on supplements for this hormone. Doctors like to see this hormone above 15, although in reality, it's more reassuring if it's above 20. Also, we like to see this number stay steady or rise. If it starts decreasing on it's own, that can sometimes be an indicator of miscarriage. In two of my miscarriages, progesterone started going down and then hcg followed.

So, now that you know what the hormones are and have some meaning to put behind the numbers, here are the results from my first two blood tests last week:

Monday 7/16 - HCG 136, Progesterone 75

Wednesday 7/18 - HCG 411, Progesterone 78

So, we're off to a great start. My HCG more than doubled in 2 days and my progesterone if VERY high. In fact, it's so high that the doctor instructed me to start cutting the supplements in half and taking only a half-dose each night.

This all looks very encouraging, but I don't want to give the wrong impression. I've had great numbers on my week 4 blood tests every time. My pregnancies seem to fail at 5-7 weeks, so I'm definitely not allowing myself to feel confident yet. I will have weekly blood tests for the next two weeks and then an ultrasound the following Monday, when I hit the 7 week mark. My next blood test will be this Wednesday, so please keep this baby in your prayers. We are so ready to have some good news and a healthy baby to join our family.

Let's Party!

I'm over a month behind on posting this, but in June, Claire turned three years old! This feels like such a huge milestone. She moved up to the big kid's room at the gym and at church. And now, whenever she takes swim lessons or gymnastics, she'll be on her own - no more "mommy and me" classes. She is feeling very grown-up these days and I'm just trying to figure out how it's already been three years since we welcomed this precious little girl into our arms.

Now, to avoid getting teary-eyed and writing an essay on the fleeting nature of childhood, I'm going to simply post some party pictures. This was her first birthday party with friends (in the past, it's been just family) and she absolutely loved it.

We had a bug-themed party at a local park, so there was plenty of room for the kids to run and play on the playground.

But it was June, and hot outside, so we had some activities in the shade of the pavilion as well. The kids decorated foam visors with their names and favorite bug stickers.

We also had a bug hunt! We spread a bunch of plastic bugs under some shade trees. Then we let the kids pick out a bug hunt kit (part of the party favors) and search for their favorite creepy crawlies in the grass. So much fun!

And we walked around giving the kids bug stamps on their hands. We also had a small bubble machine set up, which had nothing to do with the bug theme at all, but well, three year olds love bubbles!

Then it was time for the cake and ice cream! We had bug-themed cake and cupcakes, of course. Then we cooled off with vanilla ice cream and "ants" (chocolate sprinkles). Yum!

We sent everyone home with a bug hunt kit, a goodie bag with various bug-themed surprises, and these really cute bug suckers we found online.

We had such a blast with all our friends and family and Claire still tells me on occasion that "I had a great birthday, Mommy!" If she's happy, I'm happy!