Claire's New Floor

We had new carpet installed upstairs this weekend and Claire had a funny reaction to all the chaos. We had been talking to her about how she was going to have a new floor and she seemed excited. We started clearing out our upstairs rooms early in the week, but saved Claire's room and most of the big stuff for Friday while she was in preschool.

When she came home from preschool, she didn't even notice the giant pile of stuff we had moved into our living room. (A testament to my housekeeping, perhaps?) But when we went to the staircase, she immediately noticed the gate was gone. She asked me if it was broken. I explained it was not broken, but that we moved it because we were getting a new floor tomorrow. She insisted that it was broken and that "when Daddy gets home, he will fix it." Satisfied with her understanding of the situation, Claire proceeded to climb the stairs. When she reached the top, she was astonished to see the gate at the top of the stairs was also missing. She looked confused, then said, "Hey, what's going on here?" I couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer her.

Then, she walked into her room, which was empty except for her bed. I could literally see her brain trying to process that discovery. She gazed silently at the empty place where her dresser used to be. Then, she looked around at her bare walls. Suddenly, a look of horror crossed her face. I knew exactly what she was thinking, but before I could say a word, she whipped around to the face the vacant spot her bookcase used to occupy and cried "My books! Hey, where did my books go?". Immediately, I knelt down to reassure her that we had just moved her books downstairs and offered to show her where they were. She looked relieved, and from that moment on, she has been perfectly happy and easy-going about all the change.

She really likes that all the furniture is out of her way, so she has lots of room to frolic upstairs. After the carpet was installed, she ran into the empty guest room and said, "This is my gymnastics room!"

She's also loved having the freedom to go up and down the stairs whenever she wants. She's really good on them and always holds onto the rails, so we're thinking of leaving the gates off for now. As long as she continues to be careful and doesn't start playing on the stairs, I'm trying to let go of my mommy worries and allow her some freedom. Plus, Josh really likes not having to deal with the gates any more, and even I can admit it makes it easier to carry laundry up and down the stairs.

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised (once again) by how easily Claire deals with changes like this. I'm so thankful that she's flexible and can handle a little chaos because, frankly, life gets a little crazy around here sometimes (although most days, Claire is responsible for at least half the craziness at our house). :-)

The Results Are In

The doctor called yesterday to let me know all the test results have come back... normal, completely normal. The good news here is that I don't have any scary, miscarriage-causing diseases. The bad news is there's no treatment that can help if there's no identifiable cause for the miscarriages. If they had found something, medication might have lowered my future miscarriage risk dramatically. Instead, my risk for another miscarriage will be pretty high (over 40%). The worst part of the testing is that it came with a really ugly label - habitual aborter. The doctor warned me I would see that on some paperwork from the tests, but what an awful term. You would think whoever comes up with medical terminology would have a little sensitivity to the fact that patients are likely to see or hear how you're referring to them. Regardless of where she may stand on abortion issues, I think any pregnant woman with repeated pregnancy losses would find that label a bit jarring. Can't they just write "multiple miscarriages" on the paperwork?

Anyway, now that the testing is over, I won't have to look at the label again for a while. The doctor said we could try again when we're ready. While we really are eager to grow our family, I think we might wait a little while. I want to feel excited about the decision to have another baby, but right now I just feel sort of scared of the idea. I don't feel ready to risk another miscarriage, another heartbreak. I'm surprised at myself for wanting to wait awhile. Usually, I'm the kind of person who goes straight for what I want and keeps working until I get it. But I guess something this personal affects me differently. I feel like I could use some time to process everything that's happened over the last six months. So we're going to just relax and enjoy the holidays with our sweet Claire Bear.

Thanks for all of your kind words, prayers, and support through all this. We're hoping a new year will bring some better luck and new blessings to our family.

Candy, Candy, Candy!!!

Last year, we went to several Halloween events, but we didn't actually go knocking on any doors. This was the first year we took Claire trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. As you can see from the picture above, she was a little uncertain when we went outside and she saw other little ghosts and goblins running around. But after hitting up a few neighbors for candy, she decided Halloween was her new favorite holiday (at least until Christmas). As soon as we left the front porch of one house, she would tell us we needed to find a new house and get some more candy.

Overall, she was a very polite little trick-or-treater (saying "thank you" to everyone and even "Happy Halloween" a few times when we prompted her), but her enthusiasm for candy did cause a few small issues. It took a few discussions for her to understand that we weren't going to eat any candy until we got home. Then, once she realized that we had to get all the candy home safely before she could have any, she became a little protective of her loot. She seemed to think someone handing out candy might look into her bag and be so overcome with candy envy that they would steal her stash instead of adding to it. So, she really wouldn't let people get close enough to her bag to put candy in it. Instead, she wanted people to put the candy in her hand, so she could inspect it and then put it in her bag. If anyone made a move to put the candy directly into her bag, she would look up at them suspiciously and slowly back away until the bag was out of their reach. If it was a particularly special candy (aka lollipop), she didn't think it was safe to leave it in her bag at all. The lollipop had to be carried in her hand for safe keeping.

After an hour of running around the neighborhood, Claire's footsteps got a little slower. She asked us to carry the candy bag she had so closely guarded at the beginning of our adventure. Then she asked us to carry her. We knew it was time to call it a night, so we headed home.

She looked over her loot and picked out a couple of pieces to enjoy while we watched a Halloween cartoon and handed out some candy to other trick-or-treaters. Then, she went to bed and slept the long, deep sleep of a sugar coma. Once she drifted off, Josh and I looked through her bag and scarfed down took care of all the choking hazard candies. Overall, it was a great night.