The doctor called yesterday to let me know all the test results have come back... normal, completely normal. The good news here is that I don't have any scary, miscarriage-causing diseases. The bad news is there's no treatment that can help if there's no identifiable cause for the miscarriages. If they had found something, medication might have lowered my future miscarriage risk dramatically. Instead, my risk for another miscarriage will be pretty high (over 40%). The worst part of the testing is that it came with a really ugly label - habitual aborter. The doctor warned me I would see that on some paperwork from the tests, but what an awful term. You would think whoever comes up with medical terminology would have a little sensitivity to the fact that patients are likely to see or hear how you're referring to them. Regardless of where she may stand on abortion issues, I think any pregnant woman with repeated pregnancy losses would find that label a bit jarring. Can't they just write "multiple miscarriages" on the paperwork?
Anyway, now that the testing is over, I won't have to look at the label again for a while. The doctor said we could try again when we're ready. While we really are eager to grow our family, I think we might wait a little while. I want to feel excited about the decision to have another baby, but right now I just feel sort of scared of the idea. I don't feel ready to risk another miscarriage, another heartbreak. I'm surprised at myself for wanting to wait awhile. Usually, I'm the kind of person who goes straight for what I want and keeps working until I get it. But I guess something this personal affects me differently. I feel like I could use some time to process everything that's happened over the last six months. So we're going to just relax and enjoy the holidays with our sweet Claire Bear.
Thanks for all of your kind words, prayers, and support through all this. We're hoping a new year will bring some better luck and new blessings to our family.
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