The Numbers Are In

Thank you so much for all the support, comments, and prayers! It must be working, because the results from today's blood test were good.

We were hoping the HCG would rise to at least 4,932 and it went well beyond that - 10,165! We are also still monitoring progesterone. The nurse had me cut my supplements in half and only use a half-dose each night this week, so we were expecting my progesterone level to drop, but it actually increased from 78 to 82! So my doctor is taking me off the progesterone supplements completely and we're going to do another blood test next Wednesday.

It's really exciting to see such good numbers, but I know it's certainly no guarantee of a healthy baby. I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. We're still very early in this process and the last baby stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks so we're not ready to go onsie shopping yet. Please continue to pray for this baby (it seems to be working!) and I'll update the blog again when I have more news.

Here We Go Again

I still feel a little hesitant to share this because of my history, but I keep thinking that we need all the prayers we can get, so... I'm pregnant (again).

I had a positive pregnancy test last Sunday (7/15). Because of our fertility issues, my pregnancies are monitored right away. It starts with bloodwork, which we use to check two key hormone levels - progesterone and hcg. 

HCG is the "pregnancy hormone" - basically, the hormone is produced by the developing baby (well, the placenta actually). In early pregnancy, we like to see this number double about every 2 days (the official line is that it should increase by a minimum of 67%, but it's more reassuring if it doubles). If this number stops rising at the appropriate rate, that's a bad sign. If it starts going down, that is considered confirmation of an imminent miscarriage.

Progesterone is a hormone your body produces to support early pregnancy. The doctors suspect that I do not produce enough naturally, so I'm on supplements for this hormone. Doctors like to see this hormone above 15, although in reality, it's more reassuring if it's above 20. Also, we like to see this number stay steady or rise. If it starts decreasing on it's own, that can sometimes be an indicator of miscarriage. In two of my miscarriages, progesterone started going down and then hcg followed.

So, now that you know what the hormones are and have some meaning to put behind the numbers, here are the results from my first two blood tests last week:

Monday 7/16 - HCG 136, Progesterone 75

Wednesday 7/18 - HCG 411, Progesterone 78

So, we're off to a great start. My HCG more than doubled in 2 days and my progesterone if VERY high. In fact, it's so high that the doctor instructed me to start cutting the supplements in half and taking only a half-dose each night.

This all looks very encouraging, but I don't want to give the wrong impression. I've had great numbers on my week 4 blood tests every time. My pregnancies seem to fail at 5-7 weeks, so I'm definitely not allowing myself to feel confident yet. I will have weekly blood tests for the next two weeks and then an ultrasound the following Monday, when I hit the 7 week mark. My next blood test will be this Wednesday, so please keep this baby in your prayers. We are so ready to have some good news and a healthy baby to join our family.

Let's Party!

I'm over a month behind on posting this, but in June, Claire turned three years old! This feels like such a huge milestone. She moved up to the big kid's room at the gym and at church. And now, whenever she takes swim lessons or gymnastics, she'll be on her own - no more "mommy and me" classes. She is feeling very grown-up these days and I'm just trying to figure out how it's already been three years since we welcomed this precious little girl into our arms.

Now, to avoid getting teary-eyed and writing an essay on the fleeting nature of childhood, I'm going to simply post some party pictures. This was her first birthday party with friends (in the past, it's been just family) and she absolutely loved it.

We had a bug-themed party at a local park, so there was plenty of room for the kids to run and play on the playground.

But it was June, and hot outside, so we had some activities in the shade of the pavilion as well. The kids decorated foam visors with their names and favorite bug stickers.

We also had a bug hunt! We spread a bunch of plastic bugs under some shade trees. Then we let the kids pick out a bug hunt kit (part of the party favors) and search for their favorite creepy crawlies in the grass. So much fun!

And we walked around giving the kids bug stamps on their hands. We also had a small bubble machine set up, which had nothing to do with the bug theme at all, but well, three year olds love bubbles!

Then it was time for the cake and ice cream! We had bug-themed cake and cupcakes, of course. Then we cooled off with vanilla ice cream and "ants" (chocolate sprinkles). Yum!

We sent everyone home with a bug hunt kit, a goodie bag with various bug-themed surprises, and these really cute bug suckers we found online.

We had such a blast with all our friends and family and Claire still tells me on occasion that "I had a great birthday, Mommy!" If she's happy, I'm happy!

Claire's Antics

This is another catch-up blog of things I've been meaning to write down for the last two months and am just now getting around to typing out. It's really just a random list of some of the things Claire has done to make me laugh recently. Hope they make you laugh, too!

1. Claire's New Mommies: I think this happened around the time preschool wrapped up and Claire realized she was going to be spending lots of time with me over summer vacation. One day, she randomly decided it was time to start looking for a new, more exciting Mommy. At first, she thought someone with better fashion sense and a flatter tummy would be best. So, she attempted to bond with a store mannequin. We were out shopping for some summer clothes when she spotted a mannequin and decided to hold it’s hand. Then she told me it was her mommy. I reminded her that I was her mommy, but she insisted that the molded plastic woman in a sundress was mom. When I told her it was time to look at another store, she didn’t come right away. I reminded her that she needed to stay next to Mommy and she held tightly to the mannequin as she declared “This is my mommy” with a huge grin. Thankfully, I was able to convince her (and the other shoppers) that she was, in fact, my child. Since the mannequin didn’t work out, Claire decided she needed a mommy with a more exciting and glamorous role, so she chose Princess Tiana. She has never seen any princess movie, but she has seen the dresses and branded toys and dolls at Target. I guess it just looked like more fun than me. For days, she regularly declared that Princess Tiana was her mommy. After a few conversations, it was clear that she simply enjoyed my reaction to her claiming a new mommy, so I started ignoring her declaration and it stopped. Then we went to the playground where Claire decided a nearby 10 year old should be her new mommy. When the little girl was next to her on the playground, Claire started calling her mommy. The girl was confused and clearly thought Claire was a little nuts. We pulled Claire aside and explained that she shouldn’t call other people mommy because it can make them feel uncomfortable. I guess that was all she needed to hear because she hasn’t done it since. Or maybe she just realized how fun, exciting, and glamorous I really am. ;) Either way, I’m just glad to be her one and only mommy again. It’s a pretty special job!

2. How Claire Sees Daddy: Claire has been paying lots of attention to her daddy, but not the listening-and-obeying kind of attention. She’s been paying attention to how he looks, noticing the particulars of his appearance. And, in true preschooler fashion, she says what she thinks. A few weeks ago, she was lying in bed waking up from her nap. I was in her room chatting with her and Josh came in. She said hello as he leaned over her bed and then she reached up to give him a big hug. It was so sweet that I let out an audible “awww”. Then she looked up at her daddy and, in the sweetest little girl voice, she said, “Dad, you have a big face.” Aside from the giant face, she’s also noticed that daddy is, well, kind of hairy. Josh has recently added a few pairs of shorts to his wardrobe (I’ve known the man over 13 years and this is the first summer I’ve seen him wear shorts!) When Claire first saw his legs, she was quiet for a moment as she looked him over. Then she said, “Daddy, come over here so I can touch your fur.”  She quickly discovered that daddy’s “fur” wasn’t nearly as soft as our puppy’s fur. Bentley 1, Dad 0.

3. The (Other) Power of Prayer: Claire, with all her three-year-old independence, recently decided she did not want to hold my hand when walking through parking lots anymore. Of course, I consider this a non-negotiable, but I have enjoyed some of her attempts at negotiating her hand’s freedom. When she didn’t want to hold hands, she used to say she would hold her own hands and then clasp her hands together. When we didn’t fall for it, she tried a new approach. Claire knows people are not to be interrupted when they are talking to God. So now, when it’s time to hold hands to go into the parking lot or cross the street, she says, “I’m going to pray to God. I can’t hold hands right now because I’m praying”.  Then she folds her hands like she’s going to pray. Josh told her she should definitely be praying if she was going to try walking through a busy parking lot with her eyes closed and not holding his hand. I just told her she would have to save her prayers until we made it safely to the car.

4. Word Play: As adults, we sometimes forget how strange our figures of speech must sound to someone unfamiliar with them. But three year olds are great at reminding us of this. As we were getting ready to leave the house last week, Josh asked if everyone was ready and then said, "Okay, let's roll!" Claire immediately responded, "But Daddy, we can't roll. We don't have any roller skates!" It was a valid point - not a roller skate in sight.

April: Sea World, Gardening, & The Brown House

Quick Fertility Update: I finished the clomid and while I did experience several side effects, they were mild and happened mostly at night. So aside from being a little sleep deprived, our days were happily unaffected for the most part. I'll be using progesterone for the second half of the month and we're hoping this clomid/progesterone combo will work for us!

So now that the fertility update is out of the way, I need to catch up the blog on all the other things we’ve been doing. Basically, we’ve been trying to have as much fun and create as many good memories as possible. It felt like the best way to combat all the emotions we’ve been experiencing over the last year and it’s been really refreshing to just enjoy our family time and keep busy with lots of fun new activities. So here’s what we've been up to:

1. Sea World! One April afternoon, we just randomly decided to pack up, drive to San Antonio and find a hotel to stay the night so we could go to Sea World. It was Claire’s first visit and we were talking up Shamu all the way down I35. When we got to the hotel, the elevator doors closed to reveal a giant photograph (it covered the entire door area) of Shamu in the water, staring at us. Claire was not a fan. She hid behind us, held my hand, and wimpered. We tried to explain that it was just a picture and she’s a “face your fears” kind of girl, so she made a genuine effort to touch it and wave at Shamu. But she really never made peace with that picture and she was visibly anxious every time she came face to face with him. Once we got to Sea World, though, she had a blast. She loved the animals, the shows, and the Sesame Street Bay of Play. She happily posed for a picture with the poor waterpark employee who was forced to walk around in a Shamu costume all day. By the end of the day, she had made peace with Shamu and was excited to see the Shamu show that evening. She loved it at first. The animals were amazing and Claire was dazzled by all their tricks. Since it was a weekday in April, it wasn’t crowded, so we had the whole row of seat to ourselves. Claire started dancing along to the music in the show and we started watching her and taking video of our little ballerina. Then, out of the corners of our eyes, we saw a wall of water heading toward our tiny, unsuspecting dancer. We gasped, lunged toward her, but it was too late. She was soaked and wailing. We were two feet away from her and only felt a few drops, but she had just endured the preschooler’s equivalent of a tsunami. She cried that she wanted to go home and the show was ending anyway, so we carried our soaked and exhausted girl out of the amphitheater. Within minutes, she was her cheerful self again. I asked her what her favorite part of the day had been and her answer surprised me. “When Shamu SPLASHED me!” She even picked out a Shamu cup to take home as a souvenir. Now every time she hears a Sea World commercial on the radio, she asks me to take her there.

2. Gardening: Grammy, Grandad, & Uncle Jonathan came to visit in April and helped Claire set up her very own garden (Claire calls it her farm). She was so excited to help pick out our plants and she’s been taking great care them. She helps Josh water them and she visits her farm every day to check for food. In the last few weeks, some of our tomato and strawberry plants have started producing and Claire has helped pick the ripe fruit and, of course, she always volunteers to eat it. We’ve been eating "farm fresh" tomatoes almost every day!

3. The Brown House: Grandad came back at the end of April to help put together an early birthday gift for Claire – her very own swingset! Claire calls it her "brown house" because it has a little brown wood fort on one side. She was thrilled and played on it all evening after they got it set up. She even asked to sleep in it that night, but there were lots of mosquitos and we weren't really prepared for "camping". I knew she loved her brown house, but I had no idea how much until around midnight that first night. As I came in to check on Claire before I went to bed, she stirred a little and then started crying. I tried to comfort her but the sobbing just got louder. I held her, rocked her, tried to talk to her, but she was so upset that Josh and Grandad soon joined me in her room. I asked her to use her words to tell me what she needed and then tearfully wailed, "I want my brown house!" I stifled a laugh and explained that we would play again in the morning, but Claire continued to cry, insisting that she needed to see it. It almost seemed like she was worried it had all been a wonderful dream and she would wake up in the morning to find her beloved brown house was gone — just a figment of her imagination. She needed to know it was still there, that it was real. I was not planning to indulge her in this request, but, luckily for her, there was a grandparent on hand. Grandad picked her up and told her they could go look through the back door to see it. After a short visit through the glass door (which seemed to feel like a prison wall to our little girl at that moment), she willingly returned to bed and slept through the night. The following week, we had two more late night attempts to visit her treasured new playset, but they were thwarted by mom and dad and she eventually resigned herself to daytime visitation only.

Whew! That's all the "catching up" I can do right now, but I'll try to post again soon to fill you in on some of our summer adventures and update you on the fertility situation.