We had our 20 week ultrasound on Friday and ... it's a boy!!! We are thrilled to add a little blue to our house and can't wait to meet this precious baby at the end of March. We bought Claire a big blue balloon to tell her the news and she has warmed right up to the idea of having a baby brother. She even helped us pick out some little blue socks for him at the store.
I have always thought of this baby as a boy. During my last miscarriage, I had a dream that I had just delivered a baby and was laying in a hospital bed holding my newborn son. (I wrote about it in this post.) The dream was so vivid and I woke up with a real sense of peace about that loss. I felt like God was reassuring me, encouraging me that there would be joy at the end of that pain. Finding out that this baby is indeed a boy feels like confirmation of that promise, and I am filled with gratitude for what God is giving us.
The rest of the ultrasound went very well. Everything they were able to see looked healthy. At the end of the ultrasound, however, the tech said she would like us to come back in four weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. There was a "shadow" over the baby's heart and she wants to check in on it again to see if we can get better pictures. I admit I am a little concerned. I wonder if there is a problem with the heart, and I read online that "shadows" can be a soft marker for downs syndrome. But we did have the early trisomy screening and our numbers were very good, so I'm trying not to spend the next 4 weeks worrying. Instead, I'm going to focus on that dream of our baby boy, pray for a clean bill of health at the next ultrasound, and trust God to take care of our family.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Telling Claire
After our 14 week appointment, we decided it was time to tell Claire. I ordered a big sister shirt, gift wrapped it with a pretty pink ribbon, and grabbed some books about becoming a big sister.
After Claire's nap, Josh and I sat down with her to read one of the books. When we finished the book, we presented her with the gift (the big sister shirt) and explained that she was going to be a big sister. When we told her there was a baby growing in my tummy, she looked confused. She stared at my belly, then put her face right up against it.
"But I don't see a baby."
She wanted proof! So I pulled out the latest ultrasound pictures and showed her the baby. Her eyes lit up and she said, "Awww, it's so cute!" From that moment, she has fully embraced the idea of being a big sister. Here's a picture of her in her new big sister shirt.
She talks about "our baby" and sometimes even calls it "my baby", and I love that she sees this baby as her own. She asked for her own ultrasound picture of the baby, which she actually slept with for several days until we convinced her to move it to her bookcase. She tells random strangers at restaurants that there's a baby in my tummy. She whispers "secrets" to the baby in my belly (should I be concerned that they're already plotting together?). And when we go to the store, she's always asking to buy things for the baby. I tell her we should wait to find out if our baby is a girl or a boy before we buy things, so we haven't done much shopping yet. But this Friday, we're hoping to find out the gender, so there is definitely a onsie shopping spree in our future!
I'll update after Friday's ultrasound, but if anyone wants to guess whether we'll need pink or blue, feel free to comment and cast your vote!
After Claire's nap, Josh and I sat down with her to read one of the books. When we finished the book, we presented her with the gift (the big sister shirt) and explained that she was going to be a big sister. When we told her there was a baby growing in my tummy, she looked confused. She stared at my belly, then put her face right up against it.
"But I don't see a baby."
She wanted proof! So I pulled out the latest ultrasound pictures and showed her the baby. Her eyes lit up and she said, "Awww, it's so cute!" From that moment, she has fully embraced the idea of being a big sister. Here's a picture of her in her new big sister shirt.
She talks about "our baby" and sometimes even calls it "my baby", and I love that she sees this baby as her own. She asked for her own ultrasound picture of the baby, which she actually slept with for several days until we convinced her to move it to her bookcase. She tells random strangers at restaurants that there's a baby in my tummy. She whispers "secrets" to the baby in my belly (should I be concerned that they're already plotting together?). And when we go to the store, she's always asking to buy things for the baby. I tell her we should wait to find out if our baby is a girl or a boy before we buy things, so we haven't done much shopping yet. But this Friday, we're hoping to find out the gender, so there is definitely a onsie shopping spree in our future!
I'll update after Friday's ultrasound, but if anyone wants to guess whether we'll need pink or blue, feel free to comment and cast your vote!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Bucking Bronco
We've had two more ultrasounds since the last post - one at 10 weeks and one at 12 weeks. The baby looks great and has been VERY active during the ultrasounds. The doctor called the baby a "bucking bronco" and the nurse told us a baby that active had to be a boy. Josh just smiled and said, "I don't know. That actually reminds me a lot of our daughter!" Of course, we would be thrilled with a boy or a girl, but it's fun to guess while we're waiting for the big 20 week ultrasound to (hopefully) show us whether we need pink or blue.
We still haven't told Claire the big news. I'm not really "showing" yet and, honestly, I'm still a little nervous to tell her. I know she'll be happy to become a big sister, so I'm not worried about her reaction. It's just that the stakes are a lot higher once she knows. Right now, if something goes wrong, it's just Josh and me who will be hurt and we can deal with that. But if something goes wrong after we tell Claire, it will be a whole new level of heartbreak.
Telling Claire also means that I will have to start talking about (and thinking about) the baby in more concrete terms. Right now, I usually say things like, "If this baby works out...". It's a bit of a protective mechanism, I guess. There's a part of me still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But once we tell Claire, we'll have to use more definite terms. Talking about the baby like it's just an "if", a "maybe", would be too confusing for a three year old. But it scares me to talk as though we're actually going to have this baby - like if I say it aloud, I'll jinx it. I know logically that's not how it works, but I'm willing to admit that, after the roller coaster we've been on the last 17 months, sometimes my emotions overrule my logic.
We have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so we'll probably tell her sometime after that. I do want to make sure we tell her before it gets too obvious, but I want to wait until after next week's appointment to make sure we still have a healthy heart beat in there.
We still haven't told Claire the big news. I'm not really "showing" yet and, honestly, I'm still a little nervous to tell her. I know she'll be happy to become a big sister, so I'm not worried about her reaction. It's just that the stakes are a lot higher once she knows. Right now, if something goes wrong, it's just Josh and me who will be hurt and we can deal with that. But if something goes wrong after we tell Claire, it will be a whole new level of heartbreak.
Telling Claire also means that I will have to start talking about (and thinking about) the baby in more concrete terms. Right now, I usually say things like, "If this baby works out...". It's a bit of a protective mechanism, I guess. There's a part of me still waiting for the other shoe to drop. But once we tell Claire, we'll have to use more definite terms. Talking about the baby like it's just an "if", a "maybe", would be too confusing for a three year old. But it scares me to talk as though we're actually going to have this baby - like if I say it aloud, I'll jinx it. I know logically that's not how it works, but I'm willing to admit that, after the roller coaster we've been on the last 17 months, sometimes my emotions overrule my logic.
We have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so we'll probably tell her sometime after that. I do want to make sure we tell her before it gets too obvious, but I want to wait until after next week's appointment to make sure we still have a healthy heart beat in there.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
We Graduated!
We had our nine week ultrasound on Monday and everything looked great. The baby measured perfectly and had a strong heartbeat, so the specialist has released me to begin care with my regular OB. We graduated from the fertility center! My first appointment is next Tuesday and I'm hoping we'll continue on to have a healthy new baby at the end of March.
I'm finally starting to feel a little excitement (instead of just fear) for this pregnancy. It feels so great to know there's a healthy baby in there, and while I'm not quite ready to start decorating the nursery, I'm starting to believe we just might get that baby we've been waiting for.
We decided to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell Claire about it, but I'm really looking forward to that conversation. She loves babies and she's started asking a lot of questions about families lately. She often asks Josh and me questions like "Who is your mommy?", "Who is your daddy?", "Who is your brother/sister?".
A few weeks ago, we were having one of those conversations at dinner and she suddenly dropped her fork on her plate, looked around with concern, and asked, "Where is my brother and sister?". We explained that she didn't have any brothers or sisters and she immediately insisted, "But I need a brother and sister!" (Glad I'm not feeling any pregnancy pressures from my kid!) It took awhile to convince her that not everyone has brothers and sisters and it's okay if you don't, but I really want the chance to change that for her. I know she would love to be a big sister and I really hope this baby is the little brother or sister she's going to grow up with. All I can do is pray, pray, pray!
I'm finally starting to feel a little excitement (instead of just fear) for this pregnancy. It feels so great to know there's a healthy baby in there, and while I'm not quite ready to start decorating the nursery, I'm starting to believe we just might get that baby we've been waiting for.
We decided to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell Claire about it, but I'm really looking forward to that conversation. She loves babies and she's started asking a lot of questions about families lately. She often asks Josh and me questions like "Who is your mommy?", "Who is your daddy?", "Who is your brother/sister?".
A few weeks ago, we were having one of those conversations at dinner and she suddenly dropped her fork on her plate, looked around with concern, and asked, "Where is my brother and sister?". We explained that she didn't have any brothers or sisters and she immediately insisted, "But I need a brother and sister!" (Glad I'm not feeling any pregnancy pressures from my kid!) It took awhile to convince her that not everyone has brothers and sisters and it's okay if you don't, but I really want the chance to change that for her. I know she would love to be a big sister and I really hope this baby is the little brother or sister she's going to grow up with. All I can do is pray, pray, pray!
Monday, August 6, 2012
The Ultrasound
We had the ultrasound this morning and it went very well! The baby measured exactly 7 weeks, with a strong heart rate (122 bpm). The doctor said that was perfect, but given my history, she wants us to come back in two weeks for a follow-up ultrasound. If everything looks good then, we'll be released to a regular OB!
While I was so happy things went well today, I have to admit that I don't feel as much relief as I thought I would. After everything that has happened, it's hard to believe we might finally get the healthy baby we've been waiting for. I really look forward to getting excited about this baby, but I'm still a little cautious for now.
I'm only 7 weeks along, but I'm hoping if we can make it to 12 weeks, I'll start breathing a little easier. For now, I'm trying to enjoy the fact that this is the furthest we've made it in a pregnancy since Claire. We're definitely on the right track.
Thanks for all the prayers and support!
While I was so happy things went well today, I have to admit that I don't feel as much relief as I thought I would. After everything that has happened, it's hard to believe we might finally get the healthy baby we've been waiting for. I really look forward to getting excited about this baby, but I'm still a little cautious for now.
I'm only 7 weeks along, but I'm hoping if we can make it to 12 weeks, I'll start breathing a little easier. For now, I'm trying to enjoy the fact that this is the furthest we've made it in a pregnancy since Claire. We're definitely on the right track.
Thanks for all the prayers and support!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Last Blood Test
I had my last blood test (at least for awhile) on Wednesday. I have to admit that I chickened out when the nurse called with the results. I get really obsessed with the numbers game and last week's numbers were so good that I just wanted to remember those. The doctor will tell me anything over a 67% rise per 48 hours is good (they like to be extra positive so they don't freak out the pregnant ladies), but I know it's much more reassuring if the numbers double every 48 hours. I didn't want to spend my weekend doing the math over and over again in my head, so I asked the nurse to just tell me if they were happy with the numbers, rather than giving me the actual numbers. She said the numbers were good and the doctor said I didn't need to take any more blood tests for hormone levels now. It's on to the ultrasound! We scheduled the ultrasound for Monday at 9:45.
This is the part of my pregnancies when time really slows down - the last few days waiting for that ultrasound to tell us if this is "the one" or another heartbreak. My goal is to stay as busy as possible and hope the time flies by.
Thanks for the continued prayers, thoughts, and support! I'll update again after the ultrasound.
This is the part of my pregnancies when time really slows down - the last few days waiting for that ultrasound to tell us if this is "the one" or another heartbreak. My goal is to stay as busy as possible and hope the time flies by.
Thanks for the continued prayers, thoughts, and support! I'll update again after the ultrasound.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Numbers Are In
Thank you so much for all the support, comments, and prayers! It must be working, because the results from today's blood test were good.
We were hoping the HCG would rise to at least 4,932 and it went well beyond that - 10,165! We are also still monitoring progesterone. The nurse had me cut my supplements in half and only use a half-dose each night this week, so we were expecting my progesterone level to drop, but it actually increased from 78 to 82! So my doctor is taking me off the progesterone supplements completely and we're going to do another blood test next Wednesday.
It's really exciting to see such good numbers, but I know it's certainly no guarantee of a healthy baby. I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. We're still very early in this process and the last baby stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks so we're not ready to go onsie shopping yet. Please continue to pray for this baby (it seems to be working!) and I'll update the blog again when I have more news.
We were hoping the HCG would rise to at least 4,932 and it went well beyond that - 10,165! We are also still monitoring progesterone. The nurse had me cut my supplements in half and only use a half-dose each night this week, so we were expecting my progesterone level to drop, but it actually increased from 78 to 82! So my doctor is taking me off the progesterone supplements completely and we're going to do another blood test next Wednesday.
It's really exciting to see such good numbers, but I know it's certainly no guarantee of a healthy baby. I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. We're still very early in this process and the last baby stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks so we're not ready to go onsie shopping yet. Please continue to pray for this baby (it seems to be working!) and I'll update the blog again when I have more news.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Here We Go Again
I still feel a little hesitant to share this because of my history, but I keep thinking that we need all the prayers we can get, so... I'm pregnant (again).
I had a positive pregnancy test last Sunday (7/15). Because of our fertility issues, my pregnancies are monitored right away. It starts with bloodwork, which we use to check two key hormone levels - progesterone and hcg.
HCG is the "pregnancy hormone" - basically, the hormone is produced by the developing baby (well, the placenta actually). In early pregnancy, we like to see this number double about every 2 days (the official line is that it should increase by a minimum of 67%, but it's more reassuring if it doubles). If this number stops rising at the appropriate rate, that's a bad sign. If it starts going down, that is considered confirmation of an imminent miscarriage.
Progesterone is a hormone your body produces to support early pregnancy. The doctors suspect that I do not produce enough naturally, so I'm on supplements for this hormone. Doctors like to see this hormone above 15, although in reality, it's more reassuring if it's above 20. Also, we like to see this number stay steady or rise. If it starts decreasing on it's own, that can sometimes be an indicator of miscarriage. In two of my miscarriages, progesterone started going down and then hcg followed.
So, now that you know what the hormones are and have some meaning to put behind the numbers, here are the results from my first two blood tests last week:
Monday 7/16 - HCG 136, Progesterone 75
Wednesday 7/18 - HCG 411, Progesterone 78
So, we're off to a great start. My HCG more than doubled in 2 days and my progesterone if VERY high. In fact, it's so high that the doctor instructed me to start cutting the supplements in half and taking only a half-dose each night.
This all looks very encouraging, but I don't want to give the wrong impression. I've had great numbers on my week 4 blood tests every time. My pregnancies seem to fail at 5-7 weeks, so I'm definitely not allowing myself to feel confident yet. I will have weekly blood tests for the next two weeks and then an ultrasound the following Monday, when I hit the 7 week mark. My next blood test will be this Wednesday, so please keep this baby in your prayers. We are so ready to have some good news and a healthy baby to join our family.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Let's Party!
I'm over a month behind on posting this, but in June, Claire turned three years old! This feels like such a huge milestone. She moved up to the big kid's room at the gym and at church. And now, whenever she takes swim lessons or gymnastics, she'll be on her own - no more "mommy and me" classes. She is feeling very grown-up these days and I'm just trying to figure out how it's already been three years since we welcomed this precious little girl into our arms.
Now, to avoid getting teary-eyed and writing an essay on the fleeting nature of childhood, I'm going to simply post some party pictures. This was her first birthday party with friends (in the past, it's been just family) and she absolutely loved it.
We had a bug-themed party at a local park, so there was plenty of room for the kids to run and play on the playground.
But it was June, and hot outside, so we had some activities in the shade of the pavilion as well. The kids decorated foam visors with their names and favorite bug stickers.
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We also had a bug hunt! We spread a bunch of plastic bugs under some shade trees. Then we let the kids pick out a bug hunt kit (part of the party favors) and search for their favorite creepy crawlies in the grass. So much fun!
And we walked around giving the kids bug stamps on their hands. We also had a small bubble machine set up, which had nothing to do with the bug theme at all, but well, three year olds love bubbles!
Then it was time for the cake and ice cream! We had bug-themed cake and cupcakes, of course. Then we cooled off with vanilla ice cream and "ants" (chocolate sprinkles). Yum!
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We sent everyone home with a bug hunt kit, a goodie bag with various bug-themed surprises, and these really cute bug suckers we found online.
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We had such a blast with all our friends and family and Claire still tells me on occasion that "I had a great birthday, Mommy!" If she's happy, I'm happy!
Now, to avoid getting teary-eyed and writing an essay on the fleeting nature of childhood, I'm going to simply post some party pictures. This was her first birthday party with friends (in the past, it's been just family) and she absolutely loved it.
We had a bug-themed party at a local park, so there was plenty of room for the kids to run and play on the playground.
But it was June, and hot outside, so we had some activities in the shade of the pavilion as well. The kids decorated foam visors with their names and favorite bug stickers.
.JPG)
We also had a bug hunt! We spread a bunch of plastic bugs under some shade trees. Then we let the kids pick out a bug hunt kit (part of the party favors) and search for their favorite creepy crawlies in the grass. So much fun!
And we walked around giving the kids bug stamps on their hands. We also had a small bubble machine set up, which had nothing to do with the bug theme at all, but well, three year olds love bubbles!
Then it was time for the cake and ice cream! We had bug-themed cake and cupcakes, of course. Then we cooled off with vanilla ice cream and "ants" (chocolate sprinkles). Yum!
.JPG)
We sent everyone home with a bug hunt kit, a goodie bag with various bug-themed surprises, and these really cute bug suckers we found online.
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We had such a blast with all our friends and family and Claire still tells me on occasion that "I had a great birthday, Mommy!" If she's happy, I'm happy!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Claire's Antics
This is another catch-up blog of things I've been meaning to write down for the last two months and am just now getting around to typing out. It's really just a random list of some of the things Claire has done to make me laugh recently. Hope they make you laugh, too!
1. Claire's New Mommies: I think this happened around the time preschool wrapped up and Claire realized she was going to be spending lots of time with me over summer vacation. One day, she randomly decided it was time to start looking for a new, more exciting Mommy. At first, she thought someone with better fashion sense and a flatter tummy would be best. So, she attempted to bond with a store mannequin. We were out shopping for some summer clothes when she spotted a mannequin and decided to hold it’s hand. Then she told me it was her mommy. I reminded her that I was her mommy, but she insisted that the molded plastic woman in a sundress was mom. When I told her it was time to look at another store, she didn’t come right away. I reminded her that she needed to stay next to Mommy and she held tightly to the mannequin as she declared “This is my mommy” with a huge grin. Thankfully, I was able to convince her (and the other shoppers) that she was, in fact, my child. Since the mannequin didn’t work out, Claire decided she needed a mommy with a more exciting and glamorous role, so she chose Princess Tiana. She has never seen any princess movie, but she has seen the dresses and branded toys and dolls at Target. I guess it just looked like more fun than me. For days, she regularly declared that Princess Tiana was her mommy. After a few conversations, it was clear that she simply enjoyed my reaction to her claiming a new mommy, so I started ignoring her declaration and it stopped. Then we went to the playground where Claire decided a nearby 10 year old should be her new mommy. When the little girl was next to her on the playground, Claire started calling her mommy. The girl was confused and clearly thought Claire was a little nuts. We pulled Claire aside and explained that she shouldn’t call other people mommy because it can make them feel uncomfortable. I guess that was all she needed to hear because she hasn’t done it since. Or maybe she just realized how fun, exciting, and glamorous I really am. ;) Either way, I’m just glad to be her one and only mommy again. It’s a pretty special job!
2. How Claire Sees Daddy: Claire has been paying lots of attention to her daddy, but not the listening-and-obeying kind of attention. She’s been paying attention to how he looks, noticing the particulars of his appearance. And, in true preschooler fashion, she says what she thinks. A few weeks ago, she was lying in bed waking up from her nap. I was in her room chatting with her and Josh came in. She said hello as he leaned over her bed and then she reached up to give him a big hug. It was so sweet that I let out an audible “awww”. Then she looked up at her daddy and, in the sweetest little girl voice, she said, “Dad, you have a big face.” Aside from the giant face, she’s also noticed that daddy is, well, kind of hairy. Josh has recently added a few pairs of shorts to his wardrobe (I’ve known the man over 13 years and this is the first summer I’ve seen him wear shorts!) When Claire first saw his legs, she was quiet for a moment as she looked him over. Then she said, “Daddy, come over here so I can touch your fur.” She quickly discovered that daddy’s “fur” wasn’t nearly as soft as our puppy’s fur. Bentley 1, Dad 0.
3. The (Other) Power of Prayer: Claire, with all her three-year-old independence, recently decided she did not want to hold my hand when walking through parking lots anymore. Of course, I consider this a non-negotiable, but I have enjoyed some of her attempts at negotiating her hand’s freedom. When she didn’t want to hold hands, she used to say she would hold her own hands and then clasp her hands together. When we didn’t fall for it, she tried a new approach. Claire knows people are not to be interrupted when they are talking to God. So now, when it’s time to hold hands to go into the parking lot or cross the street, she says, “I’m going to pray to God. I can’t hold hands right now because I’m praying”. Then she folds her hands like she’s going to pray. Josh told her she should definitely be praying if she was going to try walking through a busy parking lot with her eyes closed and not holding his hand. I just told her she would have to save her prayers until we made it safely to the car.
4. Word Play: As adults, we sometimes forget how strange our figures of speech must sound to someone unfamiliar with them. But three year olds are great at reminding us of this. As we were getting ready to leave the house last week, Josh asked if everyone was ready and then said, "Okay, let's roll!" Claire immediately responded, "But Daddy, we can't roll. We don't have any roller skates!" It was a valid point - not a roller skate in sight.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
April: Sea World, Gardening, & The Brown House
Quick Fertility Update: I finished the clomid and while I did experience several side effects, they were mild and happened mostly at night. So aside from being a little sleep deprived, our days were happily unaffected for the most part. I'll be using progesterone for the second half of the month and we're hoping this clomid/progesterone combo will work for us!
So now that the fertility update is out of the way, I need to catch up the blog on all the other things we’ve been doing. Basically, we’ve been trying to have as much fun and create as many good memories as possible. It felt like the best way to combat all the emotions we’ve been experiencing over the last year and it’s been really refreshing to just enjoy our family time and keep busy with lots of fun new activities. So here’s what we've been up to:
1. Sea World! One April afternoon, we just randomly decided to pack up, drive to San Antonio and find a hotel to stay the night so we could go to Sea World. It was Claire’s first visit and we were talking up Shamu all the way down I35. When we got to the hotel, the elevator doors closed to reveal a giant photograph (it covered the entire door area) of Shamu in the water, staring at us. Claire was not a fan. She hid behind us, held my hand, and wimpered. We tried to explain that it was just a picture and she’s a “face your fears” kind of girl, so she made a genuine effort to touch it and wave at Shamu. But she really never made peace with that picture and she was visibly anxious every time she came face to face with him. Once we got to Sea World, though, she had a blast. She loved the animals, the shows, and the Sesame Street Bay of Play. She happily posed for a picture with the poor waterpark employee who was forced to walk around in a Shamu costume all day. By the end of the day, she had made peace with Shamu and was excited to see the Shamu show that evening. She loved it at first. The animals were amazing and Claire was dazzled by all their tricks. Since it was a weekday in April, it wasn’t crowded, so we had the whole row of seat to ourselves. Claire started dancing along to the music in the show and we started watching her and taking video of our little ballerina. Then, out of the corners of our eyes, we saw a wall of water heading toward our tiny, unsuspecting dancer. We gasped, lunged toward her, but it was too late. She was soaked and wailing. We were two feet away from her and only felt a few drops, but she had just endured the preschooler’s equivalent of a tsunami. She cried that she wanted to go home and the show was ending anyway, so we carried our soaked and exhausted girl out of the amphitheater. Within minutes, she was her cheerful self again. I asked her what her favorite part of the day had been and her answer surprised me. “When Shamu SPLASHED me!” She even picked out a Shamu cup to take home as a souvenir. Now every time she hears a Sea World commercial on the radio, she asks me to take her there.
2. Gardening: Grammy, Grandad, & Uncle Jonathan came to visit in April and helped Claire set up her very own garden (Claire calls it her farm). She was so excited to help pick out our plants and she’s been taking great care them. She helps Josh water them and she visits her farm every day to check for food. In the last few weeks, some of our tomato and strawberry plants have started producing and Claire has helped pick the ripe fruit and, of course, she always volunteers to eat it. We’ve been eating "farm fresh" tomatoes almost every day!
3. The Brown House: Grandad came back at the end of April to help put together an early birthday gift for Claire – her very own swingset! Claire calls it her "brown house" because it has a little brown wood fort on one side. She was thrilled and played on it all evening after they got it set up. She even asked to sleep in it that night, but there were lots of mosquitos and we weren't really prepared for "camping". I knew she loved her brown house, but I had no idea how much until around midnight that first night. As I came in to check on Claire before I went to bed, she stirred a little and then started crying. I tried to comfort her but the sobbing just got louder. I held her, rocked her, tried to talk to her, but she was so upset that Josh and Grandad soon joined me in her room. I asked her to use her words to tell me what she needed and then tearfully wailed, "I want my brown house!" I stifled a laugh and explained that we would play again in the morning, but Claire continued to cry, insisting that she needed to see it. It almost seemed like she was worried it had all been a wonderful dream and she would wake up in the morning to find her beloved brown house was gone — just a figment of her imagination. She needed to know it was still there, that it was real. I was not planning to indulge her in this request, but, luckily for her, there was a grandparent on hand. Grandad picked her up and told her they could go look through the back door to see it. After a short visit through the glass door (which seemed to feel like a prison wall to our little girl at that moment), she willingly returned to bed and slept through the night. The following week, we had two more late night attempts to visit her treasured new playset, but they were thwarted by mom and dad and she eventually resigned herself to daytime visitation only.
Whew! That's all the "catching up" I can do right now, but I'll try to post again soon to fill you in on some of our summer adventures and update you on the fertility situation.
So now that the fertility update is out of the way, I need to catch up the blog on all the other things we’ve been doing. Basically, we’ve been trying to have as much fun and create as many good memories as possible. It felt like the best way to combat all the emotions we’ve been experiencing over the last year and it’s been really refreshing to just enjoy our family time and keep busy with lots of fun new activities. So here’s what we've been up to:
1. Sea World! One April afternoon, we just randomly decided to pack up, drive to San Antonio and find a hotel to stay the night so we could go to Sea World. It was Claire’s first visit and we were talking up Shamu all the way down I35. When we got to the hotel, the elevator doors closed to reveal a giant photograph (it covered the entire door area) of Shamu in the water, staring at us. Claire was not a fan. She hid behind us, held my hand, and wimpered. We tried to explain that it was just a picture and she’s a “face your fears” kind of girl, so she made a genuine effort to touch it and wave at Shamu. But she really never made peace with that picture and she was visibly anxious every time she came face to face with him. Once we got to Sea World, though, she had a blast. She loved the animals, the shows, and the Sesame Street Bay of Play. She happily posed for a picture with the poor waterpark employee who was forced to walk around in a Shamu costume all day. By the end of the day, she had made peace with Shamu and was excited to see the Shamu show that evening. She loved it at first. The animals were amazing and Claire was dazzled by all their tricks. Since it was a weekday in April, it wasn’t crowded, so we had the whole row of seat to ourselves. Claire started dancing along to the music in the show and we started watching her and taking video of our little ballerina. Then, out of the corners of our eyes, we saw a wall of water heading toward our tiny, unsuspecting dancer. We gasped, lunged toward her, but it was too late. She was soaked and wailing. We were two feet away from her and only felt a few drops, but she had just endured the preschooler’s equivalent of a tsunami. She cried that she wanted to go home and the show was ending anyway, so we carried our soaked and exhausted girl out of the amphitheater. Within minutes, she was her cheerful self again. I asked her what her favorite part of the day had been and her answer surprised me. “When Shamu SPLASHED me!” She even picked out a Shamu cup to take home as a souvenir. Now every time she hears a Sea World commercial on the radio, she asks me to take her there.
2. Gardening: Grammy, Grandad, & Uncle Jonathan came to visit in April and helped Claire set up her very own garden (Claire calls it her farm). She was so excited to help pick out our plants and she’s been taking great care them. She helps Josh water them and she visits her farm every day to check for food. In the last few weeks, some of our tomato and strawberry plants have started producing and Claire has helped pick the ripe fruit and, of course, she always volunteers to eat it. We’ve been eating "farm fresh" tomatoes almost every day!
3. The Brown House: Grandad came back at the end of April to help put together an early birthday gift for Claire – her very own swingset! Claire calls it her "brown house" because it has a little brown wood fort on one side. She was thrilled and played on it all evening after they got it set up. She even asked to sleep in it that night, but there were lots of mosquitos and we weren't really prepared for "camping". I knew she loved her brown house, but I had no idea how much until around midnight that first night. As I came in to check on Claire before I went to bed, she stirred a little and then started crying. I tried to comfort her but the sobbing just got louder. I held her, rocked her, tried to talk to her, but she was so upset that Josh and Grandad soon joined me in her room. I asked her to use her words to tell me what she needed and then tearfully wailed, "I want my brown house!" I stifled a laugh and explained that we would play again in the morning, but Claire continued to cry, insisting that she needed to see it. It almost seemed like she was worried it had all been a wonderful dream and she would wake up in the morning to find her beloved brown house was gone — just a figment of her imagination. She needed to know it was still there, that it was real. I was not planning to indulge her in this request, but, luckily for her, there was a grandparent on hand. Grandad picked her up and told her they could go look through the back door to see it. After a short visit through the glass door (which seemed to feel like a prison wall to our little girl at that moment), she willingly returned to bed and slept through the night. The following week, we had two more late night attempts to visit her treasured new playset, but they were thwarted by mom and dad and she eventually resigned herself to daytime visitation only.
Whew! That's all the "catching up" I can do right now, but I'll try to post again soon to fill you in on some of our summer adventures and update you on the fertility situation.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Miscarriage & (In)fertility Update
This miscarriage was definitely a tough one (as if there's any other kind). After the second ultrasound confirmed the baby had died, it took almost four weeks for the physical miscarriage to occur, and then two more weeks for my hcg levels to get low enough that we could stop tracking them with weekly blood tests. I hate those blood tests. They are mandatory, weekly reminders of the loss and I was so relieved when the doctor said 12 was “close enough” and I didn’t have to go back.
After talking with the doctor, we decided to try a fertility drug, Clomid, when we try again. The doctor said we could start trying as soon as my cycle came back, but we just weren’t ready emotionally and we also had a really busy schedule in June. So we decided to wait an extra month. That month is almost over and I have to admit, I’m still a little nervous about what awaits us in the coming months. The side effects of Clomid aren’t particularly appealing – hot flashes, vomiting, headache, extreme moodiness – it’s like pregnancy and menopause all at once. Fun! Honestly, I think I’m as scared for Josh as I am for myself. I know I’m the one who has to actually experience all these side effects, but I think most men would agree that they get their own version of the “experience” their wives are going through. Maybe I’ll be one of those lucky women who doesn’t notice many side effects (I hear you laughing).
Aside from adding Clomid, we made another important decision about trying again. In the past, we’ve always waited until we knew how the pregnancy was developing before we told anyone (even close family and friends). In my head, I had this vision of Claire getting to surprise everyone when she wore a “Big Sister” shirt to announce that we were expecting a new addition. Well, those big sister shirts sat in the back of her closet for a year and now they’re too small. It’s not like we could really surprise anyone with a pregnancy announcement at this point anyway. And honestly, we need all the prayers we can get for a healthy pregnancy and baby. So, we’re just going to tell everyone if/when we get pregnant again. We are so thankful to have such amazing people in our lives praying for us, loving us, and supporting us through all of this and I hate feeling like I’m lying to everyone for seven weeks while I wait for an ultrasound. We’re not going to do that anymore.
So be warned everyone. By this time next week, I’ll probably be un-caffeinated, trying to come up with lunchtime alternatives to deli meat sandwiches, and seriously craving a medium rare steak or some sushi. Plus, I might be hopped up on Clomid. It’s going to be fun! ;)
After talking with the doctor, we decided to try a fertility drug, Clomid, when we try again. The doctor said we could start trying as soon as my cycle came back, but we just weren’t ready emotionally and we also had a really busy schedule in June. So we decided to wait an extra month. That month is almost over and I have to admit, I’m still a little nervous about what awaits us in the coming months. The side effects of Clomid aren’t particularly appealing – hot flashes, vomiting, headache, extreme moodiness – it’s like pregnancy and menopause all at once. Fun! Honestly, I think I’m as scared for Josh as I am for myself. I know I’m the one who has to actually experience all these side effects, but I think most men would agree that they get their own version of the “experience” their wives are going through. Maybe I’ll be one of those lucky women who doesn’t notice many side effects (I hear you laughing).
Aside from adding Clomid, we made another important decision about trying again. In the past, we’ve always waited until we knew how the pregnancy was developing before we told anyone (even close family and friends). In my head, I had this vision of Claire getting to surprise everyone when she wore a “Big Sister” shirt to announce that we were expecting a new addition. Well, those big sister shirts sat in the back of her closet for a year and now they’re too small. It’s not like we could really surprise anyone with a pregnancy announcement at this point anyway. And honestly, we need all the prayers we can get for a healthy pregnancy and baby. So, we’re just going to tell everyone if/when we get pregnant again. We are so thankful to have such amazing people in our lives praying for us, loving us, and supporting us through all of this and I hate feeling like I’m lying to everyone for seven weeks while I wait for an ultrasound. We’re not going to do that anymore.
So be warned everyone. By this time next week, I’ll probably be un-caffeinated, trying to come up with lunchtime alternatives to deli meat sandwiches, and seriously craving a medium rare steak or some sushi. Plus, I might be hopped up on Clomid. It’s going to be fun! ;)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
And Then There Were Four
I waited a few weeks to write about this, because I needed some time to process what's happening and I really just felt numb at first. I think I've found my voice now, so I'm ready to share what's been going on in our lives over the last few months.
I had a hard time with our last miscarriage and we eventually decided to see a fertility specialist recommended by a friend. She reviewed my previous testing and did a little of her own. Nothing really stood out, but she recommended we use progesterone supplements and try again. We did, and were thrilled to see a positive pregnancy test at the end of February.
This pregnancy felt different. I had weekly blood tests and the numbers all looked great. I felt really pregnant - exhausted, nauseous, food aversions, breast tenderness, waking up to pee every night - all the misery of a healthy first trimester, and I was so thankful for it. While I couldn't quite bring myself to say it aloud, I knew this pregnancy was "the one". We were finally going to get the baby we had been longing for.
We were scheduled for an ultrasound at 7 weeks, and I was so excited to see our baby for the first time. Then, the night before the ultrasound, I had a terrible dream that they couldn't confirm the heartbeat. I was running around hysterically trying to find someone who would re-check, someone who could find it.
I woke up a little shaken, but I really still felt like we were going to have a good day. I thought the dream was just my subconscious worrying. When the ultrasound began, I immediately saw that there was a baby in the gestational sac. That was huge for us because our previous ultrasounds have been blighted ovums (empty sacs with no visible baby). I always felt that if we got far enough for the baby to be visible, everything would be okay. Then, the doctor searched the screen for that all-important flutter of a beating heart. Nothing. She turned on the audio. Silence.
The doctor said the baby implanted really high and that we should look again in a few days, so we scheduled another ultrasound for the following week on April 3rd.
The night before the follow-up ultrasound, I had a beautiful dream. I was in the hospital, holding our newborn son. He was beautiful and he had my husband's thick, dark hair. I felt the love I had for our precious baby and the joy he brought our family. When I awoke, I felt peaceful, reassured, but not really for the ultrasound I was facing. It felt more like a promise for the future than the present. I felt like God was reassuring me and encouraging me so that I could face the coming storm.
The ultrasound showed no change. The baby hadn't grown at all and there was still no heartbeat, so the doctor diagnosed the miscarriage. It was official.
It's been a difficult road over the last few weeks. My hormone levels were still going up at first, which happens sometimes before your body realizes that the pregnancy has stopped growing. I knew that, but seeing the numbers continue to rise made it even more difficult to accept what was happening.
Today's blood test finally showed the numbers are starting to go back down, but we have a long road ahead. My hcg is over 23,000 and it has to get down to zero, so I'm expecting this one to take awhile. My pregnancy symptoms have begun to fade, but I still have to get up to pee most nights and I still can't hug someone tightly without cringing (ladies will know what that means). Those symptoms might stick around until the miscarriage is complete. I thought it was starting on Friday, but the bleeding stopped the next day. The nurse said it may start and stop several times because the hcg levels are so high and have such a long way to go down.
So this is my fourth miscarriage (my third in the last year), and I have run through a slew of emotions as I processed each of them. I feel guilt. Guilt that I haven't been able to give my daughter a sibling, especially when I see how excited she gets every time we see a baby. Guilt that my parenting her has inevitably been affected by the fact that I have spent the last year being in the first trimester of pregnancy or miscarrying. Guilt that I have put my husband through this revolving door of hope and loss.
I feel sadness. Sadness at the loss of each one of my unborn babies. Sadness when I pass the due date of the baby I lost last summer and realize I am no closer to having another child than I was then. Sadness when I clean out Claire's closet and find the "Big Sister" shirt I bought her last year to announce a pregnancy that never made it far enough to give her that shirt.
I feel hurt, and that hurt produces anger sometimes. I feel hurt and angry that this keeps happening to me even though I do all I can to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Hurt and angry when someone says something insensitive, even though I know they're trying to be helpful and just don't know what to say.
I feel alone. Alone in this tragedy that just keeps replaying over and over again. Alone in the physicality of it that even my closest earthly companion, my husband, simply can't experience with me. Alone as I realize that almost none of my closest friends and family can understand the loss of four pregnancies, four babies. Alone in my grief as the world moves on and so quickly forgets these four babies I still mourn.
There are two things I'm doing differently this time. First, I've stopped asking why. I have struggled with that question since my first miscarriage. I thought I understood it when my daughter was born, but the truth is that I have struggled with it again as I endured these miscarriages over the last year. I have now come to realize that question will probably not be answered on this earth. We've run all the tests, we've consulted the specialists, I've been thoroughly poked and prodded. We don't know why and I'm ready to stop replaying that question in my mind a thousand times a day.
The second thing I'm doing differently is that I'm asking God to just carry me through this. In the past, I've asked Him to give me the strength to get through it. But I simply don't have the capacity for that strength right now. I'm exhausted. I'm at the end of myself. I just don't have it in me. So I've been asking Him everyday to just take over. I don't just need a shoulder to lean on, I need to be carried! I've also asked Him to help me keep my eyes on Him, because when I start to think about me, I get angry and frustrated and bitter about what's happening to me. But when my eyes are on Him, there's no room for that.
I recently learned the difference between Spiritual groaning (humbly crying out to God to deliver you) and grumbling (griping at God when you don't get what you pridefully think you're entitled to have). I think I've probably done more grumbling than groaning on this journey, but I'm really working to change that. My hope is that someday in the not-too-distant future, all the groaning and grumbling will be gone as we welcome a new baby to our family. Until then, if you're the praying kind, we need all the prayers we can get.
I had a hard time with our last miscarriage and we eventually decided to see a fertility specialist recommended by a friend. She reviewed my previous testing and did a little of her own. Nothing really stood out, but she recommended we use progesterone supplements and try again. We did, and were thrilled to see a positive pregnancy test at the end of February.
This pregnancy felt different. I had weekly blood tests and the numbers all looked great. I felt really pregnant - exhausted, nauseous, food aversions, breast tenderness, waking up to pee every night - all the misery of a healthy first trimester, and I was so thankful for it. While I couldn't quite bring myself to say it aloud, I knew this pregnancy was "the one". We were finally going to get the baby we had been longing for.
We were scheduled for an ultrasound at 7 weeks, and I was so excited to see our baby for the first time. Then, the night before the ultrasound, I had a terrible dream that they couldn't confirm the heartbeat. I was running around hysterically trying to find someone who would re-check, someone who could find it.
I woke up a little shaken, but I really still felt like we were going to have a good day. I thought the dream was just my subconscious worrying. When the ultrasound began, I immediately saw that there was a baby in the gestational sac. That was huge for us because our previous ultrasounds have been blighted ovums (empty sacs with no visible baby). I always felt that if we got far enough for the baby to be visible, everything would be okay. Then, the doctor searched the screen for that all-important flutter of a beating heart. Nothing. She turned on the audio. Silence.
The doctor said the baby implanted really high and that we should look again in a few days, so we scheduled another ultrasound for the following week on April 3rd.
The night before the follow-up ultrasound, I had a beautiful dream. I was in the hospital, holding our newborn son. He was beautiful and he had my husband's thick, dark hair. I felt the love I had for our precious baby and the joy he brought our family. When I awoke, I felt peaceful, reassured, but not really for the ultrasound I was facing. It felt more like a promise for the future than the present. I felt like God was reassuring me and encouraging me so that I could face the coming storm.
The ultrasound showed no change. The baby hadn't grown at all and there was still no heartbeat, so the doctor diagnosed the miscarriage. It was official.
It's been a difficult road over the last few weeks. My hormone levels were still going up at first, which happens sometimes before your body realizes that the pregnancy has stopped growing. I knew that, but seeing the numbers continue to rise made it even more difficult to accept what was happening.
Today's blood test finally showed the numbers are starting to go back down, but we have a long road ahead. My hcg is over 23,000 and it has to get down to zero, so I'm expecting this one to take awhile. My pregnancy symptoms have begun to fade, but I still have to get up to pee most nights and I still can't hug someone tightly without cringing (ladies will know what that means). Those symptoms might stick around until the miscarriage is complete. I thought it was starting on Friday, but the bleeding stopped the next day. The nurse said it may start and stop several times because the hcg levels are so high and have such a long way to go down.
So this is my fourth miscarriage (my third in the last year), and I have run through a slew of emotions as I processed each of them. I feel guilt. Guilt that I haven't been able to give my daughter a sibling, especially when I see how excited she gets every time we see a baby. Guilt that my parenting her has inevitably been affected by the fact that I have spent the last year being in the first trimester of pregnancy or miscarrying. Guilt that I have put my husband through this revolving door of hope and loss.
I feel sadness. Sadness at the loss of each one of my unborn babies. Sadness when I pass the due date of the baby I lost last summer and realize I am no closer to having another child than I was then. Sadness when I clean out Claire's closet and find the "Big Sister" shirt I bought her last year to announce a pregnancy that never made it far enough to give her that shirt.
I feel hurt, and that hurt produces anger sometimes. I feel hurt and angry that this keeps happening to me even though I do all I can to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Hurt and angry when someone says something insensitive, even though I know they're trying to be helpful and just don't know what to say.
I feel alone. Alone in this tragedy that just keeps replaying over and over again. Alone in the physicality of it that even my closest earthly companion, my husband, simply can't experience with me. Alone as I realize that almost none of my closest friends and family can understand the loss of four pregnancies, four babies. Alone in my grief as the world moves on and so quickly forgets these four babies I still mourn.
There are two things I'm doing differently this time. First, I've stopped asking why. I have struggled with that question since my first miscarriage. I thought I understood it when my daughter was born, but the truth is that I have struggled with it again as I endured these miscarriages over the last year. I have now come to realize that question will probably not be answered on this earth. We've run all the tests, we've consulted the specialists, I've been thoroughly poked and prodded. We don't know why and I'm ready to stop replaying that question in my mind a thousand times a day.
The second thing I'm doing differently is that I'm asking God to just carry me through this. In the past, I've asked Him to give me the strength to get through it. But I simply don't have the capacity for that strength right now. I'm exhausted. I'm at the end of myself. I just don't have it in me. So I've been asking Him everyday to just take over. I don't just need a shoulder to lean on, I need to be carried! I've also asked Him to help me keep my eyes on Him, because when I start to think about me, I get angry and frustrated and bitter about what's happening to me. But when my eyes are on Him, there's no room for that.
I recently learned the difference between Spiritual groaning (humbly crying out to God to deliver you) and grumbling (griping at God when you don't get what you pridefully think you're entitled to have). I think I've probably done more grumbling than groaning on this journey, but I'm really working to change that. My hope is that someday in the not-too-distant future, all the groaning and grumbling will be gone as we welcome a new baby to our family. Until then, if you're the praying kind, we need all the prayers we can get.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Claire Thinks Easter Is Crazy
This year, Claire participated in her first big Easter hunt. The week before Easter, we went to a community "eggstravaganza" at a local park and lined up around a field with a bunch of other kids to "hunt" (pick up off the ground in plain sight) a variety of suckers, toys, and plastic eggs filled with Easter stickers.
Claire was really excited to make use of the pink Easter basket she picked out the night before, but when they yelled "go", she had a bit of a problem. You see, we've spent the last 2 1/2 years telling her not to pick things up off the ground and eat them. When we tried to convince her that this was actually the one time of year when it was acceptable to pick up candy she found laying around the park, she looked at us like this...
She recently started telling us that things are "crazy" and I think she mastered that vocabulary word just so she would have something to say the next time she gives us this look.
You'll be relieved to know we did eventually convince her to pick up a few candies, but she was so uncomfortable that she just walked away from the hunting area after a few finds.
The following week, we tried another Easter egg hunt at the local YMCA. Having tasted the treats from her previous hunt, she was much more willing to pick up the plastic eggs this time... as long as they were pink or purple. She adamantly refused all other egg colors. She would pick up the pink egg and leave the green one next to it sitting on the ground. When I asked her, "Claire, do you want to pick up this green one, too?", she would politely refuse. "No thank you!" After a few tries, I gave up and she happily filled her basket with all girl colors.
After spending the next two days worrying about what we were unknowingly teaching our daughter about gender roles (ah, modern parenting), it was time for our family egg hunt at home. I am proud to report that Claire gave up her strongly held gender bias and embraced an equal opportunity egg hunt approach. She snatched up every treat-filled plastic vessel she could find, regardless of color. I was also really impressed that she would actually search for hidden eggs. The community events were more "egg grabs" than "egg hunts", but Claire was up to the challenge of finding the eggs Grammy and Grandad hid around our yard for her.
Claire also dropped her feud with the Easter Bunny this year. She has never been a fan, and last year she refused to even get close enough for a picture. Then, the day before Easter, we went to the mall to ride the carousel and, completely on her own, she asked to visit the Easter Bunny. I expected a repeat of our Santa experience - excited until it was her turn, then an absolute refusal to get within three feet of him. But when it was Claire's turn, she walked up to Easter Bunny (a little cautiously), said hello, and then willingly sat in his lap and smiled for some pictures. I was shocked, but so excited to finally have some Easter pictures for the scrapbook. Here they are...
Easter wasn't all egg hunts and candy for us, though. We really wanted Claire to know (a three-year-old version) of why we celebrate Easter. I looked around for a book to read but couldn't really find much (any suggestions, moms?). Finally, I just decided to tell her about it during bathtime. When I got to the part where I explained that there were some people who didn't like Jesus, were very mean to him, and hurt him and killed him, Claire gave me her "that's crazy" look again. So, it's not really the most kid-friendly story, I suppose, but she did seem to be okay with it when I explained that Jesus rose and then went to live with God in Heaven.
So overall, I think she understands the eggs, candy, and bunny a little better than the resurrection, but I suppose that's normal for an almost three-year-old. Now, I just have to hope Claire understands that Easter is a one-off situation. I really don't want to spend all summer telling her she can't pick up that half-eaten sucker on the playground for snack time. She'll probably just give me her "you're crazy" look as she pops it in her mouth.
Claire was really excited to make use of the pink Easter basket she picked out the night before, but when they yelled "go", she had a bit of a problem. You see, we've spent the last 2 1/2 years telling her not to pick things up off the ground and eat them. When we tried to convince her that this was actually the one time of year when it was acceptable to pick up candy she found laying around the park, she looked at us like this...
She recently started telling us that things are "crazy" and I think she mastered that vocabulary word just so she would have something to say the next time she gives us this look.
You'll be relieved to know we did eventually convince her to pick up a few candies, but she was so uncomfortable that she just walked away from the hunting area after a few finds.
The following week, we tried another Easter egg hunt at the local YMCA. Having tasted the treats from her previous hunt, she was much more willing to pick up the plastic eggs this time... as long as they were pink or purple. She adamantly refused all other egg colors. She would pick up the pink egg and leave the green one next to it sitting on the ground. When I asked her, "Claire, do you want to pick up this green one, too?", she would politely refuse. "No thank you!" After a few tries, I gave up and she happily filled her basket with all girl colors.
After spending the next two days worrying about what we were unknowingly teaching our daughter about gender roles (ah, modern parenting), it was time for our family egg hunt at home. I am proud to report that Claire gave up her strongly held gender bias and embraced an equal opportunity egg hunt approach. She snatched up every treat-filled plastic vessel she could find, regardless of color. I was also really impressed that she would actually search for hidden eggs. The community events were more "egg grabs" than "egg hunts", but Claire was up to the challenge of finding the eggs Grammy and Grandad hid around our yard for her.
Claire also dropped her feud with the Easter Bunny this year. She has never been a fan, and last year she refused to even get close enough for a picture. Then, the day before Easter, we went to the mall to ride the carousel and, completely on her own, she asked to visit the Easter Bunny. I expected a repeat of our Santa experience - excited until it was her turn, then an absolute refusal to get within three feet of him. But when it was Claire's turn, she walked up to Easter Bunny (a little cautiously), said hello, and then willingly sat in his lap and smiled for some pictures. I was shocked, but so excited to finally have some Easter pictures for the scrapbook. Here they are...
Easter wasn't all egg hunts and candy for us, though. We really wanted Claire to know (a three-year-old version) of why we celebrate Easter. I looked around for a book to read but couldn't really find much (any suggestions, moms?). Finally, I just decided to tell her about it during bathtime. When I got to the part where I explained that there were some people who didn't like Jesus, were very mean to him, and hurt him and killed him, Claire gave me her "that's crazy" look again. So, it's not really the most kid-friendly story, I suppose, but she did seem to be okay with it when I explained that Jesus rose and then went to live with God in Heaven.
So overall, I think she understands the eggs, candy, and bunny a little better than the resurrection, but I suppose that's normal for an almost three-year-old. Now, I just have to hope Claire understands that Easter is a one-off situation. I really don't want to spend all summer telling her she can't pick up that half-eaten sucker on the playground for snack time. She'll probably just give me her "you're crazy" look as she pops it in her mouth.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Spiders Have Families, Too.
Claire has a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with bugs. She appreciates the occasional butterfly and ladybug, but finds all other bugs and insects repulsive and disturbing. She freaks out if she sees a fly, roly poly, or spider in the house. Sometimes, she freaks out when she sees a bit of dryer lint that she believes closely resembles a bug. Usually, she moans, tells us she's really scared, and looks something like this...
So yesterday, there was a spider in my bedroom. I grabbed a paper towel and took care of business, as I have done many times before. (Unless Josh is around. Then I make him do the dirty work.) Anyway, Claire was freaked out at the mere mention of a spider, but I assured her that I killed it. Then, she asked to see the spider. I explained to her that I had killed it, it was dead and gone. She looked confused, pondered this for a moment, and then asked, "Is he with his Mommy and Daddy? Is the spider with his Mommy and Daddy and baby brother?"
Ummmmmm... yes? Yes. Let's go with that, instead of "Well, honey. Mommy killed him. Crushed him. He's dead. He's not alive anymore. Did you know living things like animals and people can die? They can just stop being alive. Especially if Mommy crushes them into an unrecognizable assembly of body parts and fluid. Sweet dreams tonight!"
She might be a little more obedient for a few days, but I don't know if that would make up for the 2am night terrors for the next year.
Okay, so I know that's probably not the recommended "death talk" for preschoolers, but I'm starting to think I should find out what is appropriate. I think it's something that comes up for a lot of kids in the 3-5 year old range and I want to be prepared to explain the circle of life without completely freaking her out. Maybe we could just watch "The Lion King" and listen to that Elton John song? ;-)
Google, here I come.
So yesterday, there was a spider in my bedroom. I grabbed a paper towel and took care of business, as I have done many times before. (Unless Josh is around. Then I make him do the dirty work.) Anyway, Claire was freaked out at the mere mention of a spider, but I assured her that I killed it. Then, she asked to see the spider. I explained to her that I had killed it, it was dead and gone. She looked confused, pondered this for a moment, and then asked, "Is he with his Mommy and Daddy? Is the spider with his Mommy and Daddy and baby brother?"
Ummmmmm... yes? Yes. Let's go with that, instead of "Well, honey. Mommy killed him. Crushed him. He's dead. He's not alive anymore. Did you know living things like animals and people can die? They can just stop being alive. Especially if Mommy crushes them into an unrecognizable assembly of body parts and fluid. Sweet dreams tonight!"
She might be a little more obedient for a few days, but I don't know if that would make up for the 2am night terrors for the next year.
Okay, so I know that's probably not the recommended "death talk" for preschoolers, but I'm starting to think I should find out what is appropriate. I think it's something that comes up for a lot of kids in the 3-5 year old range and I want to be prepared to explain the circle of life without completely freaking her out. Maybe we could just watch "The Lion King" and listen to that Elton John song? ;-)
Google, here I come.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Jingle Bells
What?!? It's January 21?!?
Well, merry late Christmas, because I'm posting about a classic holiday song gone toddler. As is the case for many households, things got busy around here during the holidays and I am just now back to blogging. So before we say an official goodbye to my favorite holiday of the year, I want to share these videos of Claire belting out the festive and (at the time) seasonally appropriate "Jingle Bells". Enjoy!
This first video is one of her hilarious home practice sessions after we introduced her to hot chocolate. Please excuse her wardrobe. She wanted to show off her big girl panties, so she decided regular pants were an unnecessary part of her pajamas.
This video is her preschool's performance at their annual Christmas sing-along. This was Claire's first time on stage and I am proud to say she was fully clothed and quite docile during the performance. Her first taste of fame did leave her wanting more though. We didn't catch it on video, but when they dismissed the two year olds to sit with their parents for the rest of the show, Claire did NOT want to go. She cried and went limp on the floor when we tried to remove her from the stage. I think we may have a Broadway star on our hands. ;-)
Well, merry late Christmas, because I'm posting about a classic holiday song gone toddler. As is the case for many households, things got busy around here during the holidays and I am just now back to blogging. So before we say an official goodbye to my favorite holiday of the year, I want to share these videos of Claire belting out the festive and (at the time) seasonally appropriate "Jingle Bells". Enjoy!
This first video is one of her hilarious home practice sessions after we introduced her to hot chocolate. Please excuse her wardrobe. She wanted to show off her big girl panties, so she decided regular pants were an unnecessary part of her pajamas.
This video is her preschool's performance at their annual Christmas sing-along. This was Claire's first time on stage and I am proud to say she was fully clothed and quite docile during the performance. Her first taste of fame did leave her wanting more though. We didn't catch it on video, but when they dismissed the two year olds to sit with their parents for the rest of the show, Claire did NOT want to go. She cried and went limp on the floor when we tried to remove her from the stage. I think we may have a Broadway star on our hands. ;-)
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