Claire's New Floor

We had new carpet installed upstairs this weekend and Claire had a funny reaction to all the chaos. We had been talking to her about how she was going to have a new floor and she seemed excited. We started clearing out our upstairs rooms early in the week, but saved Claire's room and most of the big stuff for Friday while she was in preschool.

When she came home from preschool, she didn't even notice the giant pile of stuff we had moved into our living room. (A testament to my housekeeping, perhaps?) But when we went to the staircase, she immediately noticed the gate was gone. She asked me if it was broken. I explained it was not broken, but that we moved it because we were getting a new floor tomorrow. She insisted that it was broken and that "when Daddy gets home, he will fix it." Satisfied with her understanding of the situation, Claire proceeded to climb the stairs. When she reached the top, she was astonished to see the gate at the top of the stairs was also missing. She looked confused, then said, "Hey, what's going on here?" I couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer her.

Then, she walked into her room, which was empty except for her bed. I could literally see her brain trying to process that discovery. She gazed silently at the empty place where her dresser used to be. Then, she looked around at her bare walls. Suddenly, a look of horror crossed her face. I knew exactly what she was thinking, but before I could say a word, she whipped around to the face the vacant spot her bookcase used to occupy and cried "My books! Hey, where did my books go?". Immediately, I knelt down to reassure her that we had just moved her books downstairs and offered to show her where they were. She looked relieved, and from that moment on, she has been perfectly happy and easy-going about all the change.

She really likes that all the furniture is out of her way, so she has lots of room to frolic upstairs. After the carpet was installed, she ran into the empty guest room and said, "This is my gymnastics room!"

She's also loved having the freedom to go up and down the stairs whenever she wants. She's really good on them and always holds onto the rails, so we're thinking of leaving the gates off for now. As long as she continues to be careful and doesn't start playing on the stairs, I'm trying to let go of my mommy worries and allow her some freedom. Plus, Josh really likes not having to deal with the gates any more, and even I can admit it makes it easier to carry laundry up and down the stairs.

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised (once again) by how easily Claire deals with changes like this. I'm so thankful that she's flexible and can handle a little chaos because, frankly, life gets a little crazy around here sometimes (although most days, Claire is responsible for at least half the craziness at our house). :-)

The Results Are In

The doctor called yesterday to let me know all the test results have come back... normal, completely normal. The good news here is that I don't have any scary, miscarriage-causing diseases. The bad news is there's no treatment that can help if there's no identifiable cause for the miscarriages. If they had found something, medication might have lowered my future miscarriage risk dramatically. Instead, my risk for another miscarriage will be pretty high (over 40%). The worst part of the testing is that it came with a really ugly label - habitual aborter. The doctor warned me I would see that on some paperwork from the tests, but what an awful term. You would think whoever comes up with medical terminology would have a little sensitivity to the fact that patients are likely to see or hear how you're referring to them. Regardless of where she may stand on abortion issues, I think any pregnant woman with repeated pregnancy losses would find that label a bit jarring. Can't they just write "multiple miscarriages" on the paperwork?

Anyway, now that the testing is over, I won't have to look at the label again for a while. The doctor said we could try again when we're ready. While we really are eager to grow our family, I think we might wait a little while. I want to feel excited about the decision to have another baby, but right now I just feel sort of scared of the idea. I don't feel ready to risk another miscarriage, another heartbreak. I'm surprised at myself for wanting to wait awhile. Usually, I'm the kind of person who goes straight for what I want and keeps working until I get it. But I guess something this personal affects me differently. I feel like I could use some time to process everything that's happened over the last six months. So we're going to just relax and enjoy the holidays with our sweet Claire Bear.

Thanks for all of your kind words, prayers, and support through all this. We're hoping a new year will bring some better luck and new blessings to our family.

Candy, Candy, Candy!!!

Last year, we went to several Halloween events, but we didn't actually go knocking on any doors. This was the first year we took Claire trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. As you can see from the picture above, she was a little uncertain when we went outside and she saw other little ghosts and goblins running around. But after hitting up a few neighbors for candy, she decided Halloween was her new favorite holiday (at least until Christmas). As soon as we left the front porch of one house, she would tell us we needed to find a new house and get some more candy.

Overall, she was a very polite little trick-or-treater (saying "thank you" to everyone and even "Happy Halloween" a few times when we prompted her), but her enthusiasm for candy did cause a few small issues. It took a few discussions for her to understand that we weren't going to eat any candy until we got home. Then, once she realized that we had to get all the candy home safely before she could have any, she became a little protective of her loot. She seemed to think someone handing out candy might look into her bag and be so overcome with candy envy that they would steal her stash instead of adding to it. So, she really wouldn't let people get close enough to her bag to put candy in it. Instead, she wanted people to put the candy in her hand, so she could inspect it and then put it in her bag. If anyone made a move to put the candy directly into her bag, she would look up at them suspiciously and slowly back away until the bag was out of their reach. If it was a particularly special candy (aka lollipop), she didn't think it was safe to leave it in her bag at all. The lollipop had to be carried in her hand for safe keeping.

After an hour of running around the neighborhood, Claire's footsteps got a little slower. She asked us to carry the candy bag she had so closely guarded at the beginning of our adventure. Then she asked us to carry her. We knew it was time to call it a night, so we headed home.

She looked over her loot and picked out a couple of pieces to enjoy while we watched a Halloween cartoon and handed out some candy to other trick-or-treaters. Then, she went to bed and slept the long, deep sleep of a sugar coma. Once she drifted off, Josh and I looked through her bag and scarfed down took care of all the choking hazard candies. Overall, it was a great night.

Update and Cute Kid Pictures

Okay, I'm feeling much better today. I saw the doctor and she is running some tests to see if we can find a cause for these miscarriages. Yesterday, I gave what felt like half my blood to be tested for a variety of disorders, imbalances, and defects. Hopefully we'll find something minor and treatable so this won't happen again. The doctor did warn me that sometimes they run all the tests and still don't find anything conclusive, so we'll just have to wait and see. For now, I'm no longer in the "angry phase", so there won't be any ranting in this post. ;-) And since we all made it through my venting in the previous post, I think we've earned some cute kid pictures!

Yesterday, we took Claire to a Halloween Kids Night Out. She got to wear her costume, decorate cookies, and go trick-or-treating. She had a blast!

Of course, that was a lot of activity for a two year old and she was up well past her usual bedtime. She was so exhausted that she apparently didn't even have the energy to climb all the way into her bed before falling asleep.

Even after a good night's sleep, she's still been a little zombie-like all morning. She did, however, have the presence of mind to add a cute sweater dress over her pajamas - always the fashionista!

Miscarriage #3

We've been in a sort of pregnancy limbo the last two weeks - getting good test results then not so good ones, feeling pregnant sometimes and not pregnant other times. We were waiting for more test results today after a discouraging ultrasound yesterday. But this morning, I woke up and told Josh, "I don't I feel like today's headline is going to be We're Having Another Miscarriage." I was wrong.

I've had way too much practice telling people this, but we're having (another) miscarriage. I was six weeks along, and just got the news that it's another blighted ovum.

Really?!? Another one?!? It almost doesn't seem real right now. I never thought we would be the couple with fertility problems. We're young, we have a reasonably healthy lifestyle, and no family history of serious genetic disorders. How is this happening? I am heartbroken and so scared of what this third loss means.

Will we be able to have another child on our own? A blighted ovum usually means there is genetic material missing. Maybe all my remaining eggs are missing the genetic material necessary for a healthy pregnancy. Can't cure that. Or what if I have some serious medical problem that's causing me to lose these pregnancies. I just heard about some famous woman who was having infertility issues and it turned out she has cancer. Is that going to be me?

Logically, I know that those are worst-case scenarios and it's far more likely that there is a treatable issue here or possibly no issue at all, just bad luck. I know I shouldn't let myself think the worst right now. I'm trying to be positive, but the statistics aren't very encouraging. I was just reading about recurrent miscarriage. One prior miscarriage gives you about a 20% risk of another miscarriage (pretty much the same as a woman with no history of miscarriage). Two prior miscarriages gives you about a 28% risk of another miscarriage, which is a little higher. But three miscarriages? That raises your risk of another miscarriage to 43%. So, my odds of a successful pregnancy next time around are now only a little better than 50/50. Great. Flip a coin and predict whether or not I'll have a baby next time.

I know I probably sound a little angry right now (it's one of the stages of grief, right?), but I am trying to stay mostly positive. I'm trying to think of all the fun things I can do while we wait to try again - eat a medium rare steak, drink a gingerbread latte, dye my hair, wear skinny jeans. Those things are all fun, but my heart knows I would rather be pregnant right now than have any of that.

Truthfully, I know I am blessed because we have already been given a beautiful little girl. I am so thankful for her. She is such a smart, healthy, and happy toddler. And I'm certainly hugging her a little bit tighter these days.

The thing is, I really don't want her to be an only child for too long. I was an only child for 12 years and I always wished for a sibling growing up. When I finally got a baby brother (Jonathan, you rock), I was so happy. But we were so far apart in age that I was leaving for college when he started kindergarten. So I feel like we missed out on a lot of the sibling experience you get when you grow up together, close in age. I always wished we had more time together before I left home, and I really want Claire to have that time with her siblings.

I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow. She wants to run some tests and I'm hoping we find something minor and treatable. I used to think the miscarriages were a fluke. I don't want to find out that the real fluke was my ever having a healthy pregnancy.

Please pray for us. I know God's here. I know I have to trust Him. We just need prayers.

Potty Training, Revisited

A few months ago, we attempted potty training with Claire (you can read about it here), but it was interrupted by a stomach bug that left Claire and my floor in an unfortunate mess. I've been meaning to pick up the potty training ever since, but something always comes up. We were going out of town, then I got sick, then Claire was in a rebellious phase, then I had a miscarriage, then we went out of town again, then Claire started preschool. There was always a reason to wait. After preschool started, I decided I wanted to get serious about potty training again.
To get (re)started, I read "Stress Free Potty Training" by Sara Au, which helps you determine your child's personality type and offers potty training solutions that target each personality. It was great. I determined that Claire's personality is impulsive with a side of goal-oriented, which basically meant that she would be excited about potty training, but would be easily distracted after the first few days of training. Hmmm... I wonder where that personality came from? Who else dedicated herself to potty training for a few days, then got distracted and took months to pick it back up? Oh yeah, me.

So, since it had been so long since our last try, I decided to start fresh at step one. Two weeks ago I started giving Claire "naked time" every day so that she could see the mechanics of how pee and poop come out. We only did it a few hours a day, so we weren't on house arrest the whole time, which was nice. I brought a small potty into the living room because impulsive kids tend to have a hard time holding it all the way to the bathroom at first. Plus, seeing the potty helped remind her (and me) that she needed to use it regularly. And, it really hasn't been a big deal to clean it. Within a few days, she was using the potty consistently during naked time with no accidents, but she still used her diaper when she wasn't naked.

When the weekend came, we gave her two full days of naked time and she used the potty like a pro. So we decided to try big girl panties. Claire was so excited to put them on! Unfortunately, she treated them like diapers. When she was naked, there were no accidents. When she wore panties, I had to clean the floor constantly. I was getting frustrated, but then it occurred to me that I never actually explained to her that even though panties feel a little like diapers, they don't work the same. I told her to use the potty and to try to keep her panties clean, but I didn't really explain why. So, the next morning, I explained how panties worked and told her they wouldn't hold her pee and poop the way her diapers did. That was all she needed to know and she immediately started making an effort to use the potty instead of her panties.

She still needed reminders to sit on the potty and "try", but she was doing pretty well on her own, only one or two accidents a day. She wore her panties to preschool and to Kid's Night at the gym. She was accident-free every time we picked her up. At home, though, she was still having an accident at least once a day. That's when I realized that her impulsive mom (that's me) wasn't doing my part. I had been slacking on the potty reminders after meals. So I re-dedicated myself to potty reminders and.... we have been accident free for two days!!!! Yay!!!!!

I know we're not potty professionals yet, but this is a huge milestone and I am so proud of our little Claire Bear.

The Great Cake Caper

My grandfather (Claire's great grandfather) just celebrated his 75th birthday. Happy Birthday, Grandy! To celebrate, we all gathered at my grandparents house for food, fun, and some great family time. Claire was excited to find out that we were going to be celebrating a birthday because she is well aware that birthday means cake. She was on the look out for a tasty treat from the moment we arrived.

After dinner, my grandmother and aunt set out the cake with candles and began arranging the cake table with supplies. While they were still getting everything ready, someone spotted Claire tasting the cake. It started out innocently enough. She used the tip of her finger to rub off a little icing from the bottom corner. Some onlookers (I was not in the room at the time) thought it was cute so they didn't stop her. As she realized no one intended to punish her for her crime, she did what most small-time thieves do... she escalated.

The tip of her finger soon turned into a pincer grasp as she tore small chunks of icing and cake from the side. When she discovered that her behavior had drawn smiling photographers instead of corrections, she grew bolder still. She reached into the cake with her entire hand and enjoyed a rather large chunk of birthday cake bliss for her efforts. At this point, someone told me to come see what Claire was doing.

Everyone, including the birthday boy, was laughing and taking pictures while Claire continued to enjoy increasingly generous helpings of my grandfather's birthday cake. Then, she looked straight into my eyes and... requested a spoon.

So what did we do? Tell her to stop digging into someone else's 75th birthday cake? Explain that the cake was for everyone and taste test time was over? No, not at my grandparents house. There was only one thing to do...

Claire's First Day of Preschool

Before I jump into the preschool thing, I have to mention one of the sweetest moments we have experienced as parents so far. Every night, I check on Claire before I go to bed. Last night, she was sleeping in a really cute position, so I called Josh to come look. She stirred a little, then looked up at me in her sleepy haze and said, "Love you, Mom" in the sweetest little sleepy voice I've ever heard. Then she saw Josh standing next to me, looked at him, and said, "Love you, Dad." It was so precious that even my husband's eyes watered a little! She was so out of it that she was back asleep within 5 seconds, but it felt like she just wanted to make sure we knew she loved us. So sweet!

Okay, now on to preschool...

Claire started preschool today! She's been asking to go ever since we took our first preschool tour over the summer, so she was thrilled when we told her today was the big day. She carried her own little backpack and was so excited to be at school that she was pulling me toward her classroom as fast her little legs could carry her. There were no tears. In fact, I could barely even get her attention to say good-bye.

We decided to put her in preschool for a several reasons. First, we're hoping to add to the family sometime in the next year and I wanted to make sure I had reliable care for Claire when I have doctor's appointments. Secondly, Claire just seemed ready. She's such an active and social little girl, so I had no doubt that she would LOVE preschool (and she does). Third, I'll admit that I am a little excited about going to get my oil changed  (or grocery shopping, or mopping the floors) without wrangling a toddler. And I think Claire will be happy to miss those times as well. Now she'll spend two mornings a week at preschool while I do all my boring grown-up stuff. Everybody wins!

Claire Changed Her Own Diaper

I've been pleasantly surprised at how easily Claire transitioned to a big girl bed. In the last two days, she's had no problem going to sleep at night or during nap time. She would lay down and stay in bed the whole time. That changed today.

When I put her down for her nap, I heard her get up almost immediately. I went into her room, put her back to bed, and told her it was nap time and she should lay down in her bed and rest. It was quiet after that, so I went to take a shower. When I got out, everything was still quiet. Crisis averted, I thought. 

Then, I heard her knocking on her door from inside her room. She wasn't fussing or calling out, so I decided to just listen on the monitor for a few minutes. I heard some rustling and moving around. She was definitely awake and getting into things. It hadn't been that long since I put her down, so I knew she hadn't had time to take a nap and wake up already. I had two choices. I could go in and try to get her back in bed (which I thought would be difficult since she had been in her room for more than a few minutes - she would probably just insist that nap time was over.) My other option was to wait it out a few more minutes. She might play a little, but maybe she would start to feel tired and decide to go to sleep. I waited, and after a little more commotion, she was quiet. Nap time success!

When she woke up a while later, I walked into her room to discover what I had been hearing over the monitor. Claire had changed her own diaper. She had climbed onto her changing table, removed the dirty diaper (spilling some of it's contents onto the changing table), put it in the trash, used some wet wipes to clean herself up, and attempted to throw those in the trash (but missed, so they were on the floor). Then, she apparently got a clean diaper out of the diaper stacker, which looked disheveled from her rummaging through it, and put it on. For the finishing touch, she decided to change clothes. So she took off the clothes she had on and shoved them into one of her dresser drawers. She then searched through all the other drawers in her dresser until she found an outfit she wanted to wear and put it on. So, I walked in to find a very messy room, but a toddler with a clean diaper and a new outfit, grinning and ready to play. I took a mental picture of her proud, smiling face. (I had to clean up the poop, so there wasn't time to grab a real camera). That's my kid!

The Visitor

Josh & I had a visitor this morning. It actually started sometime in the middle of the night, when Claire suddenly yelled out for me. I went to check in on her, but by the time I put on my glasses and walked to the door, she was quiet again. Since it sounded like she was already back asleep, I decided to do the same. A few hours later, Claire woke up to start her day. I heard her start talking to her toys and singing songs over the monitor. Then, I heard a door, followed by someone rattling our bedroom door. For a moment, I thought it was Josh leaving the room, but I looked over and saw him still lying next to me, obviously confused by the noises we just heard. "What was that noise?" I asked. "That's a good question," he said as he headed for the door. I found my glasses and started to walk toward him. There was our Claire, standing at our door. Apparently, she had climbed out of her crib, opened her bedroom door, and was coming to greet us with her sweet toddler smile.

So, it's time for a big girl bed. Claire's crib doesn't have a toddler rail, so we went to the store to find her a toddler bed. Josh set up her new bed this evening and Claire loved it!

I really thought she would be a little nervous about her first night in the new bed, but she could not have been more excited. She was rushing us through her bedtime routine and asking us to turn out the light before we even brushed her teeth. When it was finally time for her to get in bed, she practically sprinted to it. She had a huge grin on her face when we tucked her in. We haven't heard a peep from her room, so I think (fingers crossed) that she might actually stay in her new bed. We'll see how nap time goes tomorrow, but so far, Claire loves her big girl bed. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She loves all things "big girl".

Child Proofing Is A Losing Battle

Update: Before I jump into Claire's anti-childproofing antics, I just wanted to give a quick update on the miscarriage for those who are interested. I was, thankfully, able to have a natural miscarriage with no complications this time. While I had some discomfort, the pain level wasn't even close to my previous miscarriage (you can read about that here) and everything was back to normal within a few weeks. I am grateful that it went quickly and hopeful that we will be able to expand our family successfully in the next year or so. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughtful words. I am so blessed to have such caring people in my life.

Child proofing has been a process in our house. We really didn't bother doing much until Claire started crawling. Then we covered the outlets and put locks on the cabinets. We put up a baby gate to keep her away from the stairs. "There," I thought, "now that the baby-proofing is done, the house should be safe forever." Sometimes, I look back and laugh at the silly thoughts I had as a new mom.

As experienced parents know, our crawler soon learned to pull up and walk. She found a whole new world of breakable knick-knacks, drapes, and blu-ray player buttons to antagonize. So, we found ourselves toddler-proofing. We removed almost every decorative item in our home, which makes dusting easier (or would make it easier, if I ever decided to dust). We added door knob covers to keep her from getting into the bathrooms or out of the front door. We installed an oven lock and removed the knobs from our stove, just to be sure she wouldn't try to cook a grilled cheese sandwich and burn down the house (which I actually almost did as a teenager... several times).

At that point, I really thought the child proofing would be done. There was nothing left in our home for her to get - it was all locked up in cabinets or in a box in the garage. Then, one day, Claire walked over to me and proudly handed me a gift - one of the outlet covers. The battle began. We changed all the outlet covers to really hard-to-remove versions, so now, every time I want to vacuum (thankfully, that's not often), I almost break a nail trying to remove the stupid outlet cover. Still, we won the outlet cover battle.

Undeterred, Claire moved on to the cabinets. It wasn't long before she figured out that all she had to do was open the cabinet a little, find the plastic piece, push it down, then pull. She was opening every cabinet in the house. Seriously?!? So we went to the store and bought the fancy (and expensive) magnetic locks. Now, when I'm cooking I have to use a magnetic key to open and close every lower cabinet and drawer whenever I need a pan, spatula, strainer, or bowl. Super convenient. At least she's safe right? Cabinet battle goes to the parents. (Raising my fists in victory).

Wrong. Because, you see, toddlers like to climb. And Claire happens to be on the tall side, so she can scale great heights. I discovered just how solid her climbing skills were when I came around the corner of the kitchen to find my toddler standing on the counter top, playing with the coffee maker and rearranging the coffee mugs in my top cabinet. How do you defend against climbing on the counter tops? She wasn't even 2 years old yet. I felt the battle tide shifting at that moment - Claire definitely won that one.

Then Claire noticed that she could easily open the folding doors to our laundry closet, so now she likes to randomly load toys, doll clothes, and snacks into my dryer. I haven't been able to find any locks that fit the doors, so I just have to remember to check the dryer for Claire's "laundry" before I put my own load in. Another win for Claire.

Yesterday, I was again faced with defeat when my two-year-old came to me with another gift - the door knob cover that kept her out of the bathroom (she likes to play with the water in the sink and splash it all over the floor). So, I know it's only a matter of time before she has access to every room of the house.

Today, she was eyeing the oven lock. I'm hoping it's advanced enough to stand against her as my ally in this child proofing war. But honestly, I'm losing hope. So many have fallen bravely in battle - outlet covers, cabinet locks, door knob covers. They fought valiantly, but there is a strong force at work against them - the force of a curious and active toddler.

Bad News

Before Claire was born, I had a miscarriage - you can read about it here. Unfortunately, my doctor has confirmed that another miscarriage is eminent. I would be 7 weeks pregnant on Sunday.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling exhausted, sleeping terribly, and everything tasted weird. Then, I cried when my new oven didn't fit perfectly into my kitchen. So, I thought it was time to take a pregnancy test (we had been trying, so I knew it was a possibility). The test was positive and we were ecstatic. I was exactly 4 weeks along.

Three days later, I woke up and all the symptoms were gone. I knew immediately that this pregnancy would not end with a baby. I waited two days to be sure the symptoms were really gone, then I called the doctor. She did some blood tests and said my progesterone levels were borderline. Progesterone is a "Which came first - the chicken or the egg?" kind of hormone. Low progesterone can cause miscarriage, but miscarriage also lowers progesterone. My HCG levels were rising (though not as high as they should be), so my doctor put me on progesterone supplements just in case it was causing problems rather than it being just a symptom of impending miscarriage. We scheduled an ultrasound for 6 week.

At the ultrasound, they found a gestational sac measuring 4 weeks, 2 days (exactly the time when my symptoms disappeared). There was no baby and no heartbeat visible. To me, that was confirmation of what I already knew. But the doctor said that it was possible my dates were just off (maybe I was only 4 weeks along, not 6), so she wasn't ready to diagnose a miscarriage just yet. I knew the dates couldn't be that off -  there's no way I could have had a positive pregnancy test only 2 days after conception. Still, she said she would take more blood, but probably wouldn't officially diagnose me until the 8 week ultrasound. Two more weeks in limbo sounded like torture for me, so I prayed for a decisive answer from the blood tests.

It came. My first blood test this week showed that my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels took 9 days to double (it should only take 2-3 days). My doctor was still not ready to confirm a miscarriage, so she took another blood test two days later. This time, my levels dropped. That made it official, and the miscarriage diagnosis was issued. Honestly, it just felt like a relief to have a decisive answer. I had no desire to wait two more weeks for the bad news I already knew was coming. My first miscarriage dragged on for weeks and I didn't want to re-visit that experience.

I'm amazed at how this miscarriage feels so different from my first one. My first one was devastating, earth-shattering, unbearable emotional pain. This time, I feel sad and disappointed, but my world isn't crashing down around me. Maybe it's because I didn't really have time to get attached to the pregnancy before I knew it was going to end. Maybe it's because I already have a beautiful little girl to love and tickle and focus all my energy on. Or maybe it's because I lived this story before and I know how it ends - you move forward, you try again, and you (hopefully) get a precious baby who is exactly the perfect child for you to parent. You can't even imagine life without them and every hardship you overcame to get that baby feels like nothing compared to the joy and love you feel when you hold your child.

I don't mean to sound unfeeling about this miscarriage. I really am sad that we have lost another baby, but I know I can't control this. I know I don't want to fall into the dark place I was in after the last miscarriage. All I can do is walk forward and hope this is all over quickly so that we can move on to happier times.

Really, this miscarriage just feels like part of the journey toward the family I'm supposed to have, and I'm just trying to trust God with this right now. Maybe I'll feel differently when I experience the actual, physical loss of the pregnancy, but I hope I will keep this sense of peace and faith in God's future blessings for us.

Claire is Growing Up

This post is probably more for my own personal records. I just wanted to write a quick "snapshot" of what Claire is like these days. It may be a little boring for anyone who isn't immediate family, but I hope you'll indulge me. I want to be able to look back on this some day and remember what my little girl was doing when she was two.

I'll start with a quick potty training update. We are (mostly) back on track with the potty training, although there are still occasional accidents. She's moved to the big potty, which means I don't have a floor potty to clean out every time she goes - hooray! She will usually go on her own without any prompting and really doesn't need my help until it's time to wipe and wash hands. She can pull off her own pants. For some reason, she still prefers to be totally naked for the potty, so she often removes her shirt as well. She does still insist on her candy reward after using the potty, but I'm hoping we'll be able to let go of that over the next few weeks.

She went to a Parents Night Out program this Saturday and made it through the evening without a single accident. When we dropped her off, we took a minute to show her where the bathroom was and to remind her that if she needed to use the potty, she could just tell the teacher. It worked. The teacher said Claire used the potty like a pro all evening. I'm hoping we're on our way to a diaper-free home.

Aside from the potty training, I am also amazed by Claire's vocabulary. She is such a talker! She can use complete sentences, like "That's a great song on the radio." and "May I have more drink, please?" When she's trying to "practice her patience", she'll often say things like, "First we get dressed, then read a story." or "When we get home, I get a snack." What really makes me laugh, though, is to hear my toddler say the things she's heard me say over and over again. For instance, anytime something appears to be broken, she will say "Daddy fix it." I guess I do depend on Josh for his handyman services. :-) She also seems to be picking up on my safety rules. Earlier this week, we handed her a candy for using the potty and she held it up and said "Choking hazard!" Josh and I burst out laughing. For the record, it was not a choking hazard and she happily devoured the chocolate chip.

She also loves to sing and has memorized several songs, which she performs for us regularly. Some of her current favorites are "London Bridge", "Jesus Loves Me", "Row Your Boat", and the "ABCs". In fact, just yesterday, she sang the ABCs, gave herself a round of applause, and said "That's my favorite song!" She also loves any song about using the potty and washing her hands, which I love because it makes my job easier.

As far as her motor skills go, the most interesting (and welcome) new development is that she can now dress herself. She's been able to strip at will for months now, but getting the clothes back on has been somewhat of a production. In the last few weeks, however, she has been putting her clothes back on by herself. She can put on her pants and shirt (she can even get her arms into the holes). She does occasionally put them on backwards or inside out, but sometimes she recognizes her mistake and says "I need to turn it around." She hasn't quite mastered shoes, yet. She can get her feet in them, but needs my help to actually latch them. It's only a matter of time, though. I already see her playing with them and trying to figure it out.

Mostly, I am just amazed at how grown up she is. The baby in her is disappearing fast. When I look at her now, I see a little girl. Sometimes, I just gather her up in my arms and snuggle her close to me as though I could keep her small if I just hold her in a little bundle in my arms. But within seconds, she wiggles free and I watch her run off giggling. In those moments, I feel a tension of pride in her accomplishments and sadness at how quickly she makes them. Then I think, this is a feeling I should try to get used to. This is what it feels like to watch your babies grow up every day. 

Potty Training, Interrupted

We decided to take advantage of the long, holiday weekend to get serious about potty training. Claire has been interested in the potty for months. We have toddler seats on all the toilets and she regularly requests to use the potty. She'll sit there reading books, singing songs, and trying to make some potty magic, but, for the most part, her efforts have been fruitless. She has put a little in the potty twice, but it almost seemed accidental. She just can't seem to get comfortable enough on that big potty to let loose. Plus, she seems to like her privacy when she's doing her business, but giving her privacy in the bathroom usually results in (a) her unrolling all the toilet paper into the toilet (b) her getting the soap pump off the sink and pumping it onto the floor (c) her playing in the toilet. Since I do not find those bathroom habits particularly charming, I don't allow her to sit on the big potty in complete privacy. Overall, it seems the big potty's size, lack of privacy, and the general to-do associated with running to the potty, setting up the potty seat, climbing the stool, and feeling a little over-supervised is just too much for her little toddler nerves. She gets potty shy, waits until we put her diaper back on, and then does her business. So, we finally caved and took her to buy a little floor potty, which she (ironically) calls her "big girl potty". We also explained to her that every time she put pee-pee or poo-poo in any potty, we would give her an m&m. We brought the home on Friday evening and the first thing she did was pull off her pants and use her new potty. It seemed like the start of a great weekend!

Saturday, we let her run around the house naked all day and she used the potty like a pro. Only one accident the entire day. She even "held it" when we went out to dinner and made a quick run to Target in big girl panties. Sunday and Monday were great - not a single accident. It was so much easier than I had built it up to be in my head.

Then came Tuesday (today). It started off well enough. I decided to have her dressed today (she can't run around naked all the time!) We toured a preschool in the morning with no potty emergencies. When we got home, she used the potty a little, so I gave her an m&m. Then, I found her big girl panties on the floor, soaked. She had an accident. No big deal - one accident in 3 days is pretty good. I picked up the panties, threw them in the washer, and didn't think about it again, until... THE POOP BEGAN.

While I was cooking dinner, Claire had disappeared into her playroom (the potty is in a secluded corner of the room). I thought she was just playing until I heard her say, "I need a bath." Then, I smelled it. I looked down at her expecting a poop-covered toddler, but she was relatively clean except for a little on her dress. Where was the poop? I checked her potty only to find that she had lifted the "containment section" of the potty and attempted to carry it over to the trash can. Unfortunately, she wasn't strong enough to finish the journey before dumping the potty contents all over the floor. As an added bonus, the poop was, let's call it "lax". Mass clean-up and disinfecting of both child and floor ensued. Then, I went back to cooking dinner (amazing what my stomach can handle after 2 years of motherhood).

Within a few minutes, Claire returned to the kitchen saying she needed a wipe. This time, I looked down to find poop on her hand and one of her feet. I then followed her poop footprints to find diarrhea on my living room rug. Excellent.

So, our potty training has now been cut short by a stomach virus that has left my poor girl's bottom in a rather distressed state. She's going to stay in diapers until this passes. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed that she'll pick up right where we left off once this virus runs its course.

Negotiating with a Toddler

Claire and I went to the shoe store today because she outgrows her shoes faster than a rabbit family outgrows their cage. We found a pair of shoes that seemed to fit, but I wanted her to walk around in them to make sure they wouldn't rub her feet. She was eager to get out of her stroller, but I wanted her to agree to a few ground rules first. The conversation went something like this...

Me: Claire, would you like to get out of your stroller and walk around in these shoes?
Claire: I want to get down.
Me: Okay. We're only going to walk, okay? No running.
Claire: I want to get down.
Me: Are you going to walk? No running?
Claire: No running.
Me: Okay. When it's time to go bye-bye, will you get back in the stroller?
Claire: No.
Me: Mommy can't let you down if you won't get back in the stroller.
Claire (whiny voice): I want to get down.
Me: You can get down if you will get back in the stroller when it's time to go bye-bye. Can you do that?
Claire: No.
Me: You can't get down if you won't get back in the stroller. Will you get back in the stroller?
Claire: No. (Thinking for a moment...) I have a question.
Me (stifling a laugh): Okay. What is your question?
Claire: Can I get down?

Facepalm.

There's a Wocket in my Pocket...

Claire loves Dr. Seuss, and one of her favorites is the classic "There's a Wocket in my Pocket". It's about a house that's filled with magical creatures in all kinds of unusual places - a findow in the window, a zamp in the lamp, and many other imaginary delights. Recently, she decided that we should have a special resident ourselves, so... Dr. Seuss now lives in our kitchen cabinet (according to Claire). It doesn't have the sing-song rhyming effect of the book, but really, who better to grace our kitchen than her literary idol. So how did we discover our stow-away? Well, Claire has a kitchen cabinet devoted entirely to her own personal enjoyment, which she often uses as a hiding place. She likes to crawl in, close the door, and then pop out unexpectedly and exclaim "Hello!" with a huge grin. Sometimes, she just closes the door and giggles uncontrollably until someone comes to find her. A few weeks ago, she opened the cabinet door, climbed in, and said, "Hello, Dr. Seuss." Now she likes to greet her cabinet friend almost everyday. Sometimes, I ask her to say hello to Dr. Seuss for me, and she always does. Since he was sticking around, I assumed he must be rather comfortable with his accomodations. As it turns out, though, Claire thinks he's too tall to live in the kitchen cabinet. Just the other day, she opened her cabinet, climbed in, and greeted Dr. Seuss with her usual excitement. But then I heard her say, "You bumped your head, Dr. Seuss." Perhaps our friend will soon move into a larger home. He's welcome to find a more comfortable place in our house, except for the closet. That's where the woset lives.

It's Party Time!

We decided to have Claire's birthday party a week early this year so that more of our family could be here to celebrate. Of course, I'm a little behind in posting these, but I just wanted to share some pictures of all the fun. We had a candy-themed party at our house and it was all sugar, sweets, and smiles. Enjoy the pics!

The Setup

Cake - yum!!!

Our sweet birthday girl!

Playing hide and seek under the buffet table.

Claire is now a professional gift un-wrapper!

Nana Shaw won our "Guess how many jellybeans" game.

I Say Please

We started working on manners several months ago and Claire is really learning to work the system. It started when she said "bless you" when someone sneezed and we thought it was adorable. She started pretending to sneeze herself so that she could be blessed, also adorable. So we decided to work on some other staples of propriety - thank you, please, excuse me.

Thank you was straight forward enough. Although she does have to be reminded to say it from time to time, she understands that we say "thank you" when someone gives us something or does something nice. She'll even say "thank you" sometimes if a stranger at the grocery store tells her she's pretty.

Then came "please" and "excuse me", which I believe she is misusing for her own purposes. It was innocent enough when we started. If she asked for something, I would remind her to say please, and she would. Josh & I made sure we said "please" when we had requests of our own. But somewhere along the way, Claire got the impression that this word possessed magical powers that would give her whatever she desired, regardless of the request. I realized this yesterday, when she asked for a snack instead of eating the lunch in front of her.

 "Snack, please," she says, in her cute-as-can-be little girl voice.
 "No," I reply in a happy tone, "It's lunch time right now. Let's eat our lunch."
"I say please!" Her pitch rises.
"I know you said please. Thank you for using your manners. But it's lunchtime right now. No snack until after nap."
"I SAY PLEASE!!!" Meltdown ensues.

We have now had a version of the "I say please" conversation 3 times in the last 2 days.

She also seems to have misunderstood the use of "excuse me". Rather than using it when she accidentally crosses paths with someone, she uses it to alert them to the fact that she is about to bulldoze right over them.

Example: When I was laying on the couch with a cold last week, she climbed up and made her way toward my head. She said "Excuse me, Mommy" as she used my face for a step stool in an attempt to scale the top of the couch. Such a sweet moment. ;-)

The Big (Blog) Move

When I was pregnant with Claire, I started blogging. I wanted to feel connected to all our family during that life-changing experience and I wanted them to feel connected to the pregnancy and our future baby. It worked out so well, that I planned to continue blogging after the birth so everyone could read stories and see pictures as our little one grew. Fast forward to today. The last post on my blog was announcing the birth of our daughter. She'll be 2 years old next month and I haven't posted a single picture or cute kid story since she was born. I gave myself a pass for the first few weeks because, let's be honest, new parenthood is overwhelming. But two years?!? I really have no excuse. I want to have a record of the cute things she does, the milestones she hits, and pictures of that adorable smile for my own memories as much as for the family. So, time to bring back the blog. Problem is, the old blog www.babycarnett.com just doesn't fit for my active toddler, so we moved. Carnett Chronicles will be all about the many adventures of our young family life (mostly, cute kid stories). Hope you enjoy!